Blog, By Bec

I was listening to a webinar earlier in the week and heard someone talk beautifully about what faith and trust are. This is what I heard.
 

We are really good at making our happiness reliant on time and preference. For example, we often say things like “I will be OK when…“
We name a time and describe what life looks like when we are OK.
Or “there will be calm after the storm” as though we cannot access peace or happiness during a storm.
 

Faith is an acceptance of What Is.
Faith is a lack of resistance to whatever is happening now.
Faith is knowing that we do not have to wait for a future time to be OK or happy.
The storm does not have to pass in order to be at peace.
 

Faith is absolute TRUST that this moment, Now, is perfectly OK.
 

We do not need permission to ignore any thinking that stops us from experiencing Freedom. Any thought that gets in our way, of being ourselves and doing what makes sense to us in the world, doesn’t have to be given our attention.
 

I reflected on that over the course of the day and saw a huge amount of hope in that message. I hear so many people, (I used to be one of them, I still am some days! – limiting themselves. Not doing the things they most want to do, not being the person they most want to be because thought tells them they cannot. And they believe it, they live as though that thought is true.
 

Being able to share these insights with people holds the possibility of freeing someone from their limiting thoughts. It is so hopeful to me to know that just one person seeing through their limited thinking can change all sorts of things.
 

Hope is knowing that one new thought can change the World!
 

“Holding back our happiness for any reason only adds to the suffering in the world”.
 

It can seem like a really good idea, when others appear to be suffering, to contain our happiness. And at times, maybe it is.

I have also seen how when I change, the world around me changes.
 

When I first started to look into how life really works, I found a deeper truth about who I am.

I found out that I am Love. That the more I see Love in me, the more I see it in others. Love comes from me and when I am looking out at the world through the eyes of Love, all I see is Love. When I look out at the world through the eyes of pain, all I see is pain.
 

Love and happiness (and probably lots of other words too) can be interchangeable. Love is indestructible. When we see the truth of who we are, we cannot contain it. Discovering who we truly are will produce more goodness in the world that any other single act we could think to do.

Love is all that we are and all that everyone else is too.

Do you ever have problems? I know I do.

The problem with a problem is that I always seem to think that I need to do something about it get in there and solve it…until I remember that I have an inbuilt problem solving system!

I wrote this fun poem to remind myself. I thought I would share it with you just in case you have problems too.
 

I hope you like it.

The story of a problem…

There was a problem

It seemed to be mine

It was there in my head

Most all of the time
 

I worked really hard

With my nose to the grind

But nothing I did

Put it out of my mind

The harder I worked

The bigger it got

The problem was thriving

And I was just not

I thought and I puzzled

I just didn’t stop

I needed an answer

To get back on top

When no answer came

I admitted defeat

I fell on the floor

I was done, I was beat.

I completely gave up

I could do nothing more

The problem was massive

And my head was sore

To my great surprise

When I left it alone

The problem stopped growing

And left on it’s own.

There it was gone

And I’d not done a thing

The problem was sorted

By something built in.

From that day to this

When a problem is mine

I know how to solve it

And in record time

I trust that the system

That’s built into me

Will be up to the challenge

And I will be free

I don’t wrestle and work

I don’t ware myself down

I don’t take on the problem

And let myself drown

The great news is this

We’re the same me and you

You have something built in,

It’s the same system too!

So all of this means

You have all that you need

To sort any problem

At the greatest of speed

You just have to trust

And not get in the way

allow what’s built in

To be what saves the day

Blog, By Deb

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak.
Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
Winston Churchill

This week’s blog is a bit of a weekend challenge or adventure for you…

So, what do I want you to get up to this weekend?

I want you to stop and listen.

Just that, listen, I'm not asking you to listen for anything, just to listen.

If you are a talker, stop and listen, if you are a fixer, or a well-meaning advice giver, as best you can don't do that.

If you think you know someone and know what they mean when they say something, assume you don't and actually listen to what’s being said.

If you think you know what someone wants, try listening before you make that assumption.

I want you to experiment with listening as best you can with nothing on your mind, no agenda.

If you are going to be on your own at all,  listen to yourself, again as best you can with no judgment or agenda.

Listen to music, just for the pure joy of it.
Listen to the sounds around you, if the weather is nice go for a walk or sit in the garden and listen to the world going on around you.

Most of us (and I am certainly including myself here) spend far too much time talking instead of listening, only half listening, assuming we already know, or listening for a reason, and all of these things influence what we hear.

It can also be a scary thought to spend time alone with only our own inner chatter for company. I will confess that used to terrify me. Now I love to listen to myself, because (mostly) I can do it without judgment, and I can hear my wisdom, underneath the chatter.

We will never completely remove our own 'fingerprints' from what we hear, but just underneath all the babble we have a beautiful quiet flow of wisdom, if we tune into this we get used to that place within us and find it easier to go there if the need arises, or if we are listening to someone else we open up a possibility that  they will do the same.
 

Blog, By Deb

Life is always in flow and money is a part of life.  Money is designed to flow; it works best that way.  It shouldn’t be locked away and never see the light of day.

It should be in circulation.  Flow doesn’t happen in constriction it happens in expansion.  Love creates expansion. Fear creates constriction.

We are designed to be in flow too.  When we get fearful, we get constricted.

This restricts our natural flow of helpful thinking.  When we are in the flow of helpful thinking nothing looks like a problem, not even money. When we are constricted life feels heavy and full of problems.

Money can sometimes look as if it has a life of its own and a strangle hold on us, but it simply can’t be that way. That can only be a trick of the mind.

Seeing how our mind plays these tricks shows us how we are always free.

I want to share a story with you if that’s ok…

When my son was 19, we were all out one night at a carnival, he was drinking dancing and having fun with his friends. He wasn’t drunk or taking drugs or doing anything that was considered ‘bad’ he was just being a normal 19-year-old lad having a good time.

He started to feel unwell, and as the evening progressed, he felt worse and worse.

I asked him if he was ok, and he said no he wasn’t.

I could tell something wasn’t right at all, so I lead him over to the St Johns Ambulance area, where they asked him some questions and put a monitor onto him to check his heart rate.

It was through the roof.

He wasn’t looking great, and a decision was made to call 999

The ambulance arrived and he was rushed into hospital.

It turned out he was born with a heart condition, that none of us knew about.

He needed an operation to correct the problem, it could possibly kill him if it was left untreated.

That night he was scared, and he discharged himself from the hospital before he could be properly assessed and have the operation.

We then waited three months before it was eventually carried out and he was given a clean bill of health.

During those three months I had to face the fact that my son could die at any moment.

I also knew that if I was going to be any help to him and to myself that I had to find a way to be at peace with that.

If I was living in constant fear, I would become a part of the problem not the solution.

So, I sat with what I knew to be true and I found peace inside me with everything that was going on.

Yes ~ during the worst nightmare I could ever imagine I found that peace was still there at my core, that it is my core, that I am peace and love.

I found that truth is truth, and it never bends or changes to suit us, it actually holds itself true and that is it’s gift.

My story has the ending that I hoped for, my son is alive and well.

But just a few short months after all of this I started to get the old familiar money worries.

Fear, uncertainty and anxiety about my money, or a seeming lack of it, were back to haunt me.

I was deeply shocked to realise that I trusted what I knew about life with my son’s life, but not with my money!

I was taking that one on my own shoulders and getting caught up in a right mess about it.

A sure sign that something wasn’t right.

That caused me to stop and question the fear.

Much to my amazement I saw that money wasn’t the problem, it was my crazy thinking.

Just like with my son’s life I can trust the flow.

I always have what I need.

But I can believe the story that I don’t and that can be painful.

Blog, By Bec

On Sunday, Monday and Tuesday I had the immense pleasure of immersing myself in a three day, online, conference.

The conference has speakers from around the world sharing, and pointing to, the inside out nature of life. 
 

All day, everyday, in my life, my work, my downtime, I immerse myself in that same understanding. I gently encourage my clients to do the same.

Throughout the three days I saw again the incredible and practical impact of staying in this conversation.
 

It's a phrase I use a lot, an invitation for this understanding to come awake within first myself and then others. 
 

When I immerse myself in this, I naturally drop into a quieter mind. A space within me becomes more available, more obvious, more accessible. A space that offers infinite and personal wisdom. 
 

I know that personal wisdom is available for everyone else too. Much like dropping into a warm bath after a hard days work, hearing many share the principles behind life again over the last three days, has re-awakened that quiet mind for me.
 

When I first used to attend Debs retreats and talk to her every week, she would often say "look to what creates not what has already been created" 

I heard that again on Monday. Really heard it. 
 

When we go to what has already been created, when we get into the story or the content of our thinking, we are just spinning our wheels. It is not the place that change can take place. We will use up a lot of energy and be no further forward. 
 

When we look back at what creates, the power of life, the creative energy that brings forth all things, we are reminded of our true nature.

A quiet mind is a by-product of seeing our true nature. From a quiet mind, wisdom is audible. 
 

Over the last few months, I have been playing around and getting more curious about how much of life is in my shoulders. During one of the talks I heard the words "Effort is not our currency"
 

This was a great reminder to me of what I have been seeing again.
 

I have had a fundamental misunderstanding for some time, that if I put in more effort, really break my back on something, I will get results. It simply doesn't work that way. Effort is not the currency, Love is. Or quiet mind. Or God.
 

When I drop back into that quiet mind, when I remember what is creating instead of looking to what I have created already, the hard work is done for me. The weight is lifted from my shoulders, what is mind to do is in front of me. And it never more than I can manage, it is never back breaking work. 
 

I am so grateful that I have chosen to create a life inside this conversation, to immerse myself, again and again, in this truth. I am so thankful that it comes alive in me. 
 

If you are reading this I know that's possible for you too.
 

Blog, By Deb
 

A few years, I had a great experience that has stuck with me that I want to share with you. A reminder that we don't have to 'do it all'.

There are many things that we don't decide about in life. I know that there are many occasions when I forget that and use a lot of time and energy trying to control/do stuff that is none of my business or above my pay grade, however you want to express it.
I wear myself out trying to be in charge of the universe when if I were to just sit back and enjoy the ride there is already someone taking care of that job and it's not me! Thank goodness!!

So, back in 2016, I had been roped in to help my partner on a job and I was getting some old linoleum tiles off a bathroom floor.

They were very firmly stuck down with some amazingly powerful glue. Determined not to be beaten I was really putting my back into the job. Two tiles in I was already beginning to flag.

Then it occurred to me that I could just relax into the job and allow the tools to do the 'heavy lifting'
So I did just that, I relaxed and stopped trying so hard.

I was hitting the chisel with the hammer, not whacking it one, just firmly hitting and not over exerting myself.
The tiles started to come up much more easily and I had lots of energy left to do the next part of the job.

Now I am not going to say I wasn't tired at the end of the day and that I didn't do anything. But what I did notice was that there was an easy way and a hard way. A way where a lot of the hard work was done for me or a way where I was really going at it, exhausting myself.

Both approaches would have gotten the job done, but one left me wiped out the other with energy left over for other things.

How many places in your life are you doing stuff that is already taken care of??
How many places would you be better off relaxing into the system and using your energy for better things??
 

I love being reminded that I don’t have to do it all!

Blog, By Deb
 

Living a life of peace and contentment is all about balance.

Balance is everywhere in life. Not too much and not too little, the place in the middle ~ Balance.

Our feelings are our guide to where we are in any given moment. They tell us when we are in perfect balance and they tell us when we have gotten a little out of balance.

It’s very simple, when we don’t feel good, we need to move back to the centre.

It’s the only thing that will restore balance.

The information is all in the feeling.

It’s good to know how to interpret our feelings so we have the right information.

Information that is helpful and brings us back to balance.

All too often we misinterpret what our feelings are telling us, and we move further out of balance instead of in the right direction.

I love being brought back to how simple life is, I know given half a chance my mind will make up a fabulous story and complicate the heck out of anything and everything.

Taking a moment and remembering that my feelings are a perfect and 100% reliable guide is incredibly helpful.

When I am wise enough to listen, I find myself back in a place of balance very quickly.

It looks rather like this to me …Imagine you are going about your day feeling fine then all of a sudden, a thought occurs to you that things are not as they should be.

BANG you don’t feel great anymore.

It suddenly looks as if there is a whole host of things you need to do to restore that feeling of being fine.

It can also look as if what happened the moment before your feeling changed is responsible for the change.

Take a breath and just imagine for a moment that all you need to do is remember that things can never be any other way than exactly as they should be.

This remembering restores balance.

If you need to read that again then please do.

This statement is worth getting curious about, it’s worth playing with and seeing if you can see for yourself the possibility it holds for you.

Because from here if there is something to be done, it happens with ease and grace, peace and contentment.

I invite you to try this for yourself.  Play with it and have some fun.

Blog, By Deb

I want to invite you to start looking at how much you love yourself and the part that plays in all relationships.
 
This blog is all about looking into the workings behind every experience of life that you personally ever have had or ever will have.
 
Like smelling a fragrant flower, or a delicious chocolate cake.
Feeling the soft skin of a baby, or the roughness of bark on a tree.
Falling in love, or arguing with your best friend.
Feeling lost and anxious or confident and supported.
Hearing about the death of someone close to you, or watching a kitten or puppy explore for the first time.
Losing your most prized possession, or unexpectedly finding a £20.00 note.
 
Life has all sorts of twists and turns and although it can be very repetitive and unexciting a lot of the time it can also throw us some very curved balls!
Both fabulous ones that we catch with pleasure and pride and ones we would rather never have had to field.
We can find our-selves way over our head into something we never saw coming just a split second before it happened.
 
How much we understand about what is truly going on can have a massive effect on how well we do. This is the real meaning of relationships, how we relate to every experience of life in the moment.
This is what makes the difference between surviving and thriving.
This is all about the choices we make, why we make the choices we do, and how to learn to make better more healthy choices in the moment.

This is going to the source and it all begins with unconditional self-love.
 
So, just how much unconditional love do you have for yourself?
We innocently get it wrong sometimes, but we can turn it around and begin to see for ourselves the difference it makes when you truly love yourself.
 
I have a task for you today…
I would like you to think about what self-love means to you.
What comes to mind when you think about it?
Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Do you feel that you love yourself or not?

Do comment below with your answers :D

Blog, By Deb

By the time we have lived on this planet into adulthood every one of us will no doubt have encountered many problems. Some small and relatively insignificant, some will have shaken our very foundations. But the thing they will have in common is that we will have found a way through each of these problems.

We are not still held back by every problem we have ever encountered, we are equipped to get over things, to see things differently. You can know this because we have all done it countless times and we will no doubt do it again.
 
So how do we do it??
 
This is the interesting bit, first off most of us innocently get this bit wrong, even if we think we have an idea how we got through, it’s likely we are mistaken.
Secondly, even without this knowledge and the high likelihood that what we do believe about how to solve problems is wrong, we still do it, we still get through and overcome countless problems.

We truly are awesome and part of an even more awesome system!
 
If we then add in an understanding of this awesome system, and knowledge of the true nature of problems themselves this puts us at a great advantage.  We can get out of the way and work with the system. We will continue to get over our problems, but now with an added ease and grace that comes from knowing that there is a system, we are a part of it, and we can trust it completely.
 
At this stage, it is enough to just to become aware of this system and the nature of problems, not looking at your biggest difficulty and trying to make it fit here.
  
The nature of problems is that they are a view we have of  ‘things’ and we don’t like what we see. So, it looks like a problem to us.  
The only way to ever solve a problem is to see it differently.
 
Every single human being has the ability to see anything differently.
 
The nature of the system we are a part of is the same as the self-healing system our bodies are a part of. If we were to cut our self, our body’s inbuilt healing system would instantly kick in and begin the healing process.

In the same way when we start to feel off, we have a problem, we are not feeling 100% mentally top of our game, our psychological healing system will do the same thing, it will instantly jump in with the sole intention of bringing us back to a place of mental stability.  We truly are awesome

 

Blog, By Deb
 

Today I would like to talk about unconditional love…
 

Before I came across this understanding, I thought love was something you gave to someone else, and also received from someone else, be that in a romantic relationship or a friendship/family relationship etc.
 

What I now see is that unconditional love is actually who we are.  It isn't made up of thought and therefore isn't on the outside of us.  It isn't a physical thing we can give away to someone else. We are it.
 

We are born as love; we are born whole & complete but we very often forget this and go outside looking for things to help make us feel better. We want to always feel happier, and as humans this very much looks to us like we NEED something outside of “Who we are” to feel this happiness.
 

LOVE is who we are.
 

When we begin to really see this for ourselves, we radiate that love out to others naturally. It just happens, there is no trying. When we see the truth of who we are, we show up in the world authentically. We see the small us created via thought. We see we are not our thoughts, but the awareness of the thoughts passing through. The observer, not the observed. The blank canvas, not the art creation.

You are a divine miracle!
 

“If you can find the secret of thought, you can find the secret to life. Nothing outside of you can affect the truth of who you are, and all human experience is an illusion.”

~ Sydney Banks

Blog, By Bec
 

This morning I received this Daily Inspiration into my inbox:

When we see life as difficult there is nothing wrong with life, it is our vision that is clouded. Look to clear that not to sort out life.

It was a great reminder to me of how life works from the inside out.

It is very compelling, at times, that it is life that needs fixing and that our vision is perfect.

But it is never that way around. And this is good news.

Have you ever noticed that when you try to fix life, or the people in it, that it is a hard task indeed?

That is because we are working against how the system is designed.

I read these words in Byron Katie’s book ‘Loving What Is’, this morning:

“It’s funny how we’re the last place we look. Always trying to change the projected rather than clear the projector.”

It reminded me of the projector analogy. Remember when we used to go to the cinema?

Somewhere behind us there is a projection box. For the film to work, the projection box needs a power source, a film reel and a very bright light. From there, the film is projected out onto a screen.

And that’s us too. We have a power source, and we project outwards. Being reminded of that and knowing that it is our projector that needs a little cleaning, is immeasurably helpful.

For me, looking back to the power source continues to help me clean my projector. I see the endless possibilities available to me. I notice that I can have a new experience. I realise I can see something through fresh eyes.

When I get lost in trying to fix life that is already playing out on the screen, very quickly I exhaust myself. That is my alarm system letting me know I’m looking in the wrong direction and it is time to clear my projector.

And at the end of the film, the screen remains unchanged and damage free, no matter what movie played out.  

Blog, By Deb
 

I don’t know about you, but I LOVE to dance.
 

Obviously for a while it hasn’t been possible to go out dancing, but that doesn’t stop me, I dance in the kitchen and the lounge and the garden, anywhere really.

The music doesn’t have to be an external thing, it is just as likely to come from inside.
 

One day last week I sent out this daily inspiration.
 

I read this quote this morning...

Those who dance are considered insane

by those who can’t hear the music.

It was in my head as I danced through my day.

You have the music of love

Playing at your core.

Listen and you won’t be able to stop your feet tapping.
 

That quote has always intrigued me. I can certainly remember a time when the music inside me was being drowned out by the noise and heaviness of life.

Dancing from that space looked insane to me. I didn’t realise that I was creating that heaviness and that I could stop it.
 

In actual fact I was the only one who could stop it.

That has become apparent, as the heaviness disappears and the music of love becomes much more noticeable to me in every moment.

I know that can sound pretty airy fairy, and maybe it is. But what I have noticed alongside that beautiful music, with the heaviness gone, my lighter life is much more fun.
 

Difficult situations don’t seem as difficult. Solutions to problems present themselves.

All of these things make dancing seem much more appealing and way less crazy.
 

It’s hard to understand how people can dance if you can’t hear the music from inside you.

Being in this conversation opens your heart and your ears to your own internal music.
 

It has you dancing the dance you were born to dance, your way.

For a while after coming across this conversation and then continuing my own spiritual journey, I was totally convinced that EVERYONE needed to hear what I was hearing and see what I was seeing.
 

I would get very frustrated when someone would misunderstand or misinterpret what I was saying.

I hadn’t realised that everyone gets their own version of the world via the thinking they are having and believing to be true in that moment.

I hadn’t realised that everyone hears through their own thought filters.
 

I hadn’t realised that even though when we hear the same words or are in the same situation we don’t all have the same experience.

These days I am happy for you to dance your dance while I dance mine, even when we are dancing together.

I am happy that you will hear what is right for you and I trust you know the steps and moves that are best for you.
 

Another and lighter way to dance through life.

I am looking forward to learning more beautiful steps that lighten me to the point of twirling dipping and flying as I continue my life’s dance.

Blog, By Deb

This occurred to me and I wanted to share it with you…. I hope you like it.
 
The secret so few people tell you, simply because so few know it, is that you have within you everything that you will ever need to thrive and have a wonderful life.

If you are ever lacking in anything the only thing it could ever be is understanding.
 
Let’s say you believed that 2 + 2 = 5.
Then every sum you did after that would be wrong because it would be based on a mistake.
 
So even if you did everything right after that first sum nothing would quite add up as it should.
 
So often our suffering comes from something right at the beginning that we have innocently gotten wrong.
When we correct that misunderstanding everything else will flow.

For many years scientist (or very clever people!) tried to work out a yearly calendar based on the sun rotating around the earth.

As we now know, the earth moves around the sun. Every calculation these clever people tried to make was based on an incorrect started point, and so their job was impossible. At some point, they were also going to go awry.

When we finally understood that the earth moves around the sun, it became a much simpler job to create a calendar.

There is nothing you need to do, there is nothing you need to own and there is nothing you have to accomplish so that you can be happy, have great relationships and thrive in life.
 
All of these things come as a by-product of understanding the operating system you have been born into.
The operating system we are all a part of works from the inside out.

Any experience or feeling we are having begins from the inside.
We cannot experience anything without the gift of thought.

Our only mission in life is understanding this.
Once you have this everything else you could ever want will be yours.

If you are ever lacking in anything the only thing it could ever be is understanding.
Make it your mission to understand :D
 

Blog, By Bec

In 2012, if the Olympics had a sport for overthinking, England could have proudly sent me off and I would have come back with Gold, Silver and Bronze.

I was the overthinking queen!

You may know that every day Deb writes an email to anyone on our mailing list with a short inspirational quote*.

On Monday this week the email read

The Key to Happiness.
Don’t overthink it… and don’t let your mind convince you of something that isn’t true.

It was one of the shortest emails Deb has written in a while and yet the truest!

How much do you overthink?

Me too. Even now.
 

I overthink far less than back in 2012, I am not sure I would win the Olympics for it anymore. But I can certainly still give it a go.

When I read the daily email, I asked myself the question, Why do we overthink?

(Don’t worry I didn’t overthink the answer!)
 

The answer was a short one. Trust.
 

I notice that I overthink when I am not trusting that the universe has got my back. I overthink when it looks like it is all on me to have the answer, to get it right, to make sure of a certain outcome.
 

The reason I would no longer win the Olympic Gold medal for overthinking is because I spend a far larger portion of my time now being in trust.

I trust that the universe has got my back (and yours!)

I trust that whatever an outcome is, that is OK
I trust that I can turn up to my life from a clear headspace and do what is mine to be done
I trust that if I get it ‘wrong’, that’s OK too
I trust that if I don’t know something, I don’t need to know
I trust that my peace cannot ever go anywhere, it can just play an amazing game of hide and seek

When you are not overthinking, what do you trust?
 

Look to that as often as you can and perhaps next year, we can enter the Olympics and win Gold in the sport of Trust

*To sign up and receive the daily inspirational emails to your inbox, click the button here

Blog, By Bec
 

I have been struggling for a few days.

I woke up on Thursday and wanted to hit out at someone. 

How dare I not be allowed to visit my partner?

Who had the right to tell me I can't go and buy a new car?

I want to see my family. 

I wanted to blame someone, but there is nothing tangible to hold accountable. It is what it is.

I didn't want to get out of bed and a part of me wanted to be pissed off all day.

Much to my annoyance, after 5 minutes of bemoaning my world, another voice kicked in. One I have spent time nurturing.

My inner voice and here is what it said.

Love is always the answer...

Love, pure energy, God, universal magic, essence 

That is what we are.

When we think it is all on us, look again. The power behind life is always working in our favour.

Find the feeling of love. When did you last feel it? 

Not the being in love but pure love, a rush of energy through your body, a knowing that you are ok. 

Perhaps you can feel it when you think of a place or a time before now. 

Remember it, reconnect with it, keep bringing it back to life.

Live from it! 

It is never all on you. There is a magic to life that has your back. You can rest in the knowing.

When you don't know or when it feels too much to bare, cast all your cares on God, Love. It has you 

Dammit, I couldn't say mad any longer.

Blog, By Deb
 

I would never have described myself as an anxious person.

It wasn’t a label I wanted.

It’s funny the things we think we do want and the things we think we don’t.

Realising this has come more from reflection than a knowing at the time.

I thought I wanted to be a victim, I wore that one like a badge, with pride, the ‘poor me’ badge.

That one felt like it gave me merit, it seemed like a worthy label to wear.

I couldn’t help it, it wasn’t my fault. I was helpless, I happily owned that one.

But somehow in my head, anxiety meant you were weak, so I wasn’t having any of it.

I hid the fear uncertainty and insecurity that tore me apart and hurt me so much it felt like physical pain.

I wasn’t going to allow myself to be labelled anxious.

That, I would never admit to or own.

Since I have understood more about the thoughts that find their way into my head, I have much less respect for anxious thinking.

I wouldn’t give myself the anxious label now for very different reasons.

I now know that ‘I” am not anxious, I am simply having thoughts that come with helpful (if at times very uncomfortable) feelings. Feelings that warn me I am heading in the wrong direction. Feelings that warn me the story that is playing in my head is best ignored, left alone to fade away and certainly not taken seriously or acted upon.

This morning I had to get up early to go look after my 21 month old grandson.

I was half asleep when my alarm started to play it’s tune.

I rolled over and turned it off.

I lay back down closed my eyes and consciously thought about love and connection.

It only took a few seconds and I started to feel really good.

My fingers and toes were sort of numb, like they didn’t start or end anywhere, I was light and floaty and everything felt good.

I stayed like that for about five minutes, then sat up flicked on the light and headed for the shower.

I really like to start my day that way, I guess it’s a bit like a mini meditation.

The thoughts don’t really have any content, they just feel good, I feel good.

The water in the shower was warm and the shower gel smelled of perfume.

I was singing in my head and dancing under the water, as I lathered up, then let the water wash the soap away.

I turned the shower off and reached for the towel, hanging on the heated rail. It was warm and inviting too.

I dried myself off, dusted myself with talc, moisturised and spritz with a little bit of perfume.

I pulled on a comfortable dress and thick tights and head down for breakfast.

It was early for me, hence the alarm, I had to be at Laura’s just before 8.

As I filled the kettle, it started, that think my head can do sometimes…

“What if you have the wrong day? “

The thought landed innocently, if a little heavily, in my head, it wasn’t loud or accusing it was claiming to be a friend, helping me out. But something about it was a little suspicious.

The feeling it brought with it went through me like an electric bolt.

“Oh God if I’ve got it wrong, I will wake up the whole house and I will look like a prize idiot, that’s what” I answered myself in my own head.

The feeling that came with that was heavy and it slightly twisted my gut.

But I knew not to take any notice, the feeling was my friend, not the content of the thoughts.

I shook off the ridiculous conversation, opened the cupboard, picked out my cup, I set it on the worktop and placed a tea bag into it. I tried to remember the tune of my alarm to distract my thinking, as I poured boiling water into the cup, picked up the spoon and squeezed the tea bag.

I was back on top. The thoughts had gone. Phew, a win to me.

I laughed out loud, went over to the cupboard and chose my favourite dish to have my cereals out of.

I opened the draw and carefully chose my spoon too, some of the spoons in our draw are way too big and made of entirely the wrong metal to eat cereals off.

I sat down to eat and picked up my phone to flick through the messages from last night that had come through after I’d gone to sleep.

It did it again…

“You call yourself reliable, but what if you have the time wrong, what if you are losing your mind and you’re not reliable anymore.”

The electric bolt feeling and the gut wrench came as a double whammy this time.

“look I’m really only trying to help, you have to consider these things” continued the not so helpful but claiming to be helpful, voice in my head.

But I had this, the voice just wasn’t a match for my open mind.

Not like the old days when I would crumble under the imagined pressure and feel anxious, and turn myself inside out trying to find ways to prove I was okay, whilst the voice gathered momentum and won hands down, leaving me a quivering wreck.

Not anymore.
 

This time I stared to wonder how I could write this experience as a blog.

How I could share it to help others.

My happy head was off into a plethora of helpful thoughts and great ideas…

Until it said with a smile “best get in that car and go look after Zachy, you don’t want to be late”

“No” I agreed, smiling back, “I’m on my way”

Blog, By Bec

A few days ago, I was reflecting on how I have set up my life on purpose to be an immense amount of fun.
 

I was messaging a friend during ‘work’ hours and it occurred to me that I no longer ‘work’ I just live.
 

Sometimes living is a mentoring call with a client who is struggling
Sometimes living is a walk on the coastal path
Sometimes living is driving on the motorway to visit my partner
Sometimes living is a 2 hour masterclass with a group of amazing people
Sometimes living is messaging back and forward with my friend
Sometimes living is marketing and networking on social media
Sometimes living is playing with my niece
 

You get the picture.

I don’t ‘work’ anymore, I just live.
 

I am sometimes unsure whether I have cleansed the things from my life that I am not so keen on doing or whether, by seeking to love my life, I have fallen in love with all of the things I used to resist.
 

But I am sure that it doesn’t matter which way it happened.
 

After I had written the first part of this blog, I stopped. I didn’t know what else to say.

This morning, I was sitting at my desk waiting for my computer to wake up and I had a moment of “I have a couple things on my To Do list today that I don’t really want to do”

This blog came into my mind (it wasn’t one of the things!) and I heard my inner voice ask
“Do you really not want to do them? Is there a way these too can be things you love in your life?”
 

I don’t recall whether I even answered myself. I regularly have internal conversations like this and drift off while my human and spiritual nature tussle it out 😊
 

An hour or so later, I was due to do one of the tasks I wasn’t too sure I wanted to do, and noticed I was looking forward to it. I was smiling and ready to go.
 

As I write this, I haven’t got to the other task yet. I am interested to see how I feel when I get there.
 

What I do already know though is that by asking myself the question “Is there a way this can be something I love in my life?” my mind opens up to possibilities.
 

It doesn’t guarantee I am going to love the task ahead of me.
I may even decide that it is a task I no longer want to do.
 

But what is has guaranteed me is a more peaceful mind. Instead of the mind I can remember living in some years ago, that was full of “I hate my job”, “I don’t want to do that”, “Even the smallest task fills me with dread”, now my mind is quieter. It is more accepting of the few places I might be less keen on what I am doing.
 

I love this. I love living.

How is your work life balance?

Interactive Blog ~ Finding your Voice

This is an ‘interactive’ blog. There are questions for you to answer, an exercise to do and even an invitation at the end for you… so, grab some paper and a pen (or your phone or tablet!) and dive in with me…

It’s Bec here.
Over the course of 2020 I have been drawn inward more. I have been invited to listen to myself more, and to share my voice with the world ~ one person at a time.

You may know that I have put together a 6-month programme called Finding Your Voice.
In today’s blog, I want to share what I see around finding our voices.

Firstly, what do I mean by Voice?
Our voice is that internal drive that invites us to do something that logic or intellect might say no to.
We each have a literal voice and use that to help us. What I am pointing to in Finding your Voice, is that inner voice that is guiding us to what is true for us in a given moment or it could be pointing you toward your ‘life’s soul mission’.
Another way we can talk about this is about passion or purpose in life. This quote nails it for me:

When our fear voice says no and our intellect says no and Wisdom says yes that is what we should be going for!

Your Voice is that very one that is saying what you should go for even when fear and intellect say no, or please don’t!

We all have an inner voice, it is simply a question of whether we are ready to share it yet.

What do you think stops you sharing your voice?
Stop here for a moment and answer that question…

Here’s what I see…
What stops us is FEAR. Full stop.
Nothing else.

We can talk a good talk about all of the reasons why we might hide our passion, move away from our soul purpose, or shy away from sharing our voice.
But it is only ever fear that truly stops us. All of those reasons that you listed when you stopped and answered the question, at the root of those is fear

Fear of not being good enough (this is made up by the way, you are good enough)
Fear of failure (this is also made up, failure is man-made)
Fear of looking like a fool (another that’s made up, there are no fools only people who do or don’t do)
Fear of …. Fill in the blank and that is made up too.

Notice that all of these start with fear.

So, what is fear?
Again, stop here for a minute and reflect on what fear is to you.

Fear is a misunderstanding about who we are …

Fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. When we believe that we are limited, or not good enough or might fail, we believe evidence that appears real but is actually false.

We are simply misunderstanding who we are. We are believing that we are only human beings, with little to offer.

We are believing that our thoughts, that false evidence, is to be taken seriously.

OK, so how do we overcome fear?
Feel free to stop and write what comes to you, when you sit quietly for a moment about overcoming fear?

For me, it is knowing that nothing outside of us can damage us. We are more than human beings, we are spiritual too. We have the entire essence of the universe running through us ~ at our fingertips. When we remember that, when we deeply know that to be true, and allow our minds to be open to that, amazing ideas come to us.

It no longer makes sense to hide from who we are.
It no longer makes sense to hide our voice, shy away from our passion and purpose.
We know that the universe has our back and that when we step out to share our voice, allowing the False Evidence to fade into the background, that we give a gift to the world.

The world needs YOU ~ it is no accident that you are here, that you are you, that you have something to share and it is unique to you.

OK, here I want you to take 15 minutes and do this short listening exercise:
For 15 minutes, really listen ~ wherever you are and whatever is happening around you just listen….

What did you get from the exercise?
What did you hear?

And finally, your invitation ~ What is YOUR voice ready to say?
Close your eyes, take a breath and deeply instinctively know what your voice is ready to say
Can you hear it?
Can you say it?
 

Look out 2021 ~ our voices are ready!

Enjoyed the blog and want to find out more about working with me?
Visit the webpage Finding Your Voice clicking the button below

Martyn Dawes is the host of the Facebook Group: A Year of Living Kindly https://www.facebook.com/groups/155498956306117

Why Kindness is built in

A computer, tablet or phone will come with an operating system which receives regular updates designed to keep the computer running at optimum levels. Within these updates are Security Patches, designed to keep the equipment safe from damage.
 

We are the same. However the Upgrades are specific to Us as Individuals, as are the Security Patches embedded in the upgrade.

We are born with pre-installed Software; version Human 1.0.

Kindness, Love and Compassion are built in and we know nothing else.

As we grow, and experience reality we start to get our first updates, even from a very early age.

We ask our parents for a ‘treat’. No, they reply you haven’t been good enough, you don’t deserve one.

The next Upgrade comes with the Security Patch ‘Good things need to be earned’. We start to learn of limitation and lack

We experience our first love, and subsequent broken-heart. It really hurts and we vow to ourselves never to let that happen again.

The next Upgrade includes Security Patch ‘Be careful who you love, and protect yourself from hurt’. We learn to put up walls and limit our love.

We enter the world of employment and earning.

The next Upgrade includes Security Patch ‘we need to earn more to be secure and happy’. We learn that happiness is dependent on financial security.

We keep getting updates and Security Patches. These are generated from our experience or listening to others we respect or rely on for information. This includes your news sources, teachers, doctors, parents, your boss etc.

Recent Upgrade may include the following Security Patches

‘Refugees are here to take over our homes, jobs and livelihoods’

‘Nothing comes easily’

‘We need to work at being happy’

‘Be careful who you trust’

Or a variety of other Security Patches specific to you

Over time the Upgrades and Security Patches slow the system down, become obsolete or simply crash.

But...

Underneath all the upgrades, below all the Security Patches, Human 1.0 is still there, whirring away, underpinning everything.

We can reset whenever we want, but it may mean deleting the Security Patches we believe are keeping us safe.

When we reset our phones, tablet or computer we go back to the original ‘clean’ version. It is the same with us.

Kindness is built in, it is part of the operating system, it’s just that sometimes it is buried beneath layers of additional data.

Happy Birthday 

As I write this it’s my birthday tomorrow.

I love birthdays.

I sometimes wish I hadn’t had quite so many, but I do love who I am right now in this moment and every experience, every birthday and every day in between has brought me here.

I don’t know that I would want to go back to being the person I was before some of those birthdays.

The fact is I feel younger at 56 and 364 days then I did when I was in my 20 & 30’s

It’s surprising what the weight of the world can do to you, and what having the weight of the world lifted from your shoulders can un-do.

I remember being anxious as a child, my anxiety was all about not being good enough.

One of my early birthday memories is having a lovely new red checked shirt and jeans as a present.

My mum let me wear them to school.  

I was so proud of how I looked

But it all went horribly wrong when I fell over in a wet muddy puddle, I felt inconsolable and worse than that really really stupid.

I didn’t know it then, but this experience definitely added to the evidence that contributed to the thought of ‘not good enough’ being absolute truth.

That memory is still there to this day, I can still feel the shame.

I was pretty outgoing and seemingly confident as a youngster, but in the background was that nagging thought ‘not good enough’

It seemed to be on a continuous loop, ready to pop up at some inconvenient moment and throw me into a tailspin.

It plagued my life because it felt so real.

I didn’t realise it felt so real because I was believing into reality.

It affected who I was and the choices I made.

I don’t remember exactly how old I was, but it was somewhere between 6 and 10, when my desperate need to be good enough made it look like a good idea to lie to my best friends.

I made up a story about who I was.

I told my friends I was adopted.

I told them I was a princess and that I had to hide my identity and that nobody could find out.

A stupid made-up fantasy, spun in a moment of desperation.

I lived in fear that I would be found out.

I told lie upon lie so as not to be caught out and hated myself more and more with each lie.

I struggled to sleep, my hands would get all sweaty, my stomach churned and my head ached.

It all spiralled completely out of control, my life was a misery and I was ill a lot.

It eventually came to an end when we moved house and I changed schools.

I cannot tell you the relief I felt.

A new start.

But it wasn’t long before the ‘not good enough’ thought was back to make my relief short lived.

It was my believed thoughts that were the problem and until I saw through them the problem came with me wherever I went.

Looking back now it’s ridiculous, but it was a sign of things to come, years of trying to be something or someone other than me because I believed that ‘me’ just wasn’t going to cut it.

Years of making myself ill, because I was going against every fibre of my being that yearned to dismiss the ‘not good enough’ thought and just be me.

My childhood memories look funny now, but to that little girl it was a living nightmare.

If only I had known that my pain wasn’t telling me I wasn’t good enough it was actually telling me that I had forgotten just how mind-blowingly awesome I was. It was telling me that I was believing a thought that was simply not true.

I would love to go back to that birthday when I wore my beautiful red shirt and give myself the gift of knowing my true self.

Maybe I wouldn’t have understood then, maybe I wasn’t ready and I had to go through all that pain and suffering to know the peace love and gratitude I know on this birthday.

But one thing is certain I love that my life now is filled with sharing with anyone who is ready just how amazingly awesome they are and that any hint of pain any of us have is only there for one reason to point us back to the truth of who you are.

Highest Kindness

I want to feel better

So, I’m feeling my negative thinking.

I’ve fallen for the untrue thoughts and I’m well in it.
I know this because I feel tearful, angry and yes I’m posed off.

I’m soooo pissed off.

I’m pissed off a lot.
I know, I KNOW this is my thinking about what has happened blah,blah, blah…

I KNOW this is my thinking about the said event, and that I’m feeling my thinking and my feeling is my indicator that I’m in a low mood.

Yeh yeh, whatever.

I’m pissed off.

Really pissed off don’t you know.

I feel crap.
I need to make myself feel better.

yeh that’s it I’ll think of Christmas, (yeh I know outside events don’t make me happy)

Shut up.

I’ll think about Christmas, pause, well that’s not worked.

Ok I’ll think of my children, pause again, nope, no, still not working.

Ok think of Mark and all the funny things he says, pause again, ohh no, NOOO, it’s still there that’s shitty thinking.

I woke up this morning feeling so good so much in gratitude until what happened, happened.

Funny I thought I’d let it go.

I thought I’d not taken the thought train of anger, but here I am speeding to destination doom and gloom with other thoughts of fear, of upset.

Ohh just get out of here, you thoughts of anger, go on piss off.

Oh, why aren’t you going?

I’m trying so hard to make you go, omg, OMG, ha ha ha, I’ve just realised I’m keeping me here on this ride of anger, fear, all my attention has been on you!!

I’VE been feeding you.

All this pushing and forcing has been making you look real.

Ha ha ha and YOU’RE NOT.

Ha ha ha, you’re not real at all, but wait what’s this feeling…oh, I’m, ha ha, I’m  feeling good.

Yeh I’m feeling better.

How did that happen?

I’m on the thought train of LOVE of PEACE, wow, just like that…
 

Hope is not cancelled

My lovely friend, Jo, send me this little picture at the beginning of the week.
With the announcement over the weekend, and Lockdown 2.0 starting yesterday, it was a lovely and welcome reminder.
 

It inspired me to write…

2020 has felt, to me, like an unusual year. Many things have happened that I had not experienced, nor even anticipated, before. New words have become the norm ~ lockdown, social distance, Covid.

There has been a lot of different and new experiences for most of us the world over this year.

But, this beautiful little poem, reminded me how much remains the same.

I was on a call earlier in the week and I was talking to someone who had been out to an event over the weekend in a town he isn’t in very often. During the event he had a moment of “Oh, I don’t think I can remember where I parked my car”

He was laughing about it when he told me. And I’m sure we have all had one of those moments.

It really struck me, how during a time of worldwide crisis ~ a pandemic of proportions I have never seen or expected in my lifetime ~ life continues to do life.

The most ordinary of moments are still happening across the world.

A person parks their car and cant quite remember where.
A babies nappy needs changing.
Someone burns their toast.
A woman breaks a nail.
A man stubs his toe.
A child squeals in delight because he finds the toy in his cereal box.
A sleepy husband kisses his wife goodbye as he goes off to work.

Life carries on. Nature carries on.
The leaves are all falling from the trees.
The starling birds are back in our part of the country.
The tide was coming in when I was at the sea.
The sun has risen in the sky this morning.
 

And as the poem says, so many things are not cancelled. Life is not, in fact, on lockdown. No matter how hard we try, we cannot stop the world from turning. We cannot stop the life force being life.

Perhaps it is showing up in a different way this year, a new way, but it cannot stop.

There are still so many things we can do, that we are doing, as humans.

Sun, the seasons, love and relationships, reading, hobbies, music and dancing, kindness and caring, conversations, imagination, fun, joy and hope. None of these things are in lockdown.

They continue.

We continue.

Whatever things we are unable to do, for a while, my message today is to focus on the things that you can do.

Perhaps lockdown is an invitation for you to explore something you haven’t done for a while?
Perhaps there is a something that has been on lockdown in your heart, that is ready to come forth now?

Inspired By A Warrior

I’m sitting at the kitchen table starting at my computer, wondering what to write.

The title Everyday Goddess stares at me menacingly from the screen. I have a million things I could say but nothing is coming…

Then Bec my lovely niece and business partner walks, no actually she bounces, into the kitchen.

She is smiling widely, and it spills into a giggle, she is almost too excited to tell me what she’s up to.

Her phone is in her hand and she can’t get her words out quickly enough, between the giggles that have now become full on laughter.

She is delighted with what she is doing and it’s filling her with love.

She looks beautiful, lit up from the inside.

Kindness will do that to you.

Bec is an Everyday Goddess.

She is also a Warrior.

She is on an everyday mission to bring more love and peace and happiness into the world.

In this moment it’s a joy to watch her.

She is great at what she does.

She inspires me every day.

But that wasn’t always the case.

I have seen her work through a ton of pain.

I have witnessed her doing the inner work.

I have sat next to her and watched temptation dance in front of her and her fight to do the thing she knew deep inside was right to do.

I saw how much she gained as the work payed off and she beat the temptation and was true to herself.

That was a Warrior moment in an Everyday Goddess life.

In this moment she is doing one of her favourite things, a random act of kindness.

She is paying a garage bill for her sister.

Tomorrow when her sister goes to pick up her car from the garage the bill will have been paid and her sister won’t know who payed it.

It’s taken a bit of detective work to pull off and Bec has loved every minute of it.

This Warrior Goddess knows a thing or two about life.

She has found out the love comes from inside.

She knows she was born whole and complete, no matter what her experience nothing can change this. and in giving she is also the one who receives.

In giving love, she fills herself up with love that overflows and everyone benefits.

She has seen that loving herself isn’t selfish, it’s the best gift that she can give to herself and to everyone she ever meets

Self-love released the Warrior Goddess that was always there waiting to be allowed out to play in the world. 

We all have what Bec has found inside herself, love generosity and kindness.

It can just be hidden by fear sometimes.

A Warrior Goddess in action calls to the Warrior in all of us, look inside, fall in love, join me, don’t be scared, don’t hide.

Be love in action.

Everyday.

In the big and the small.

In love one size fits all.

I don’t think I tell Bec often enough just how much she means to me, just what a Warrior Goddess she is, ordinary and yet extraordinary in perfect balance.

I’m glad she came into the kitchen at that exact moment.

I just witnessed a Warrior Goddess in all her glory.

Life is full of blessings.

I am filled with love too.

Thank you Warrior, Everyday Goddess Bec for inspiring me like you do.

I am honoured to work with you.

Who inspires you?

I would love to know.

If you want to meet Bec and see what I mean about her, she is currently inviting 100 people to have a conversation with her about living from love not fear, if you would like have one of these conversations with Bec I know she would love to hear from you.

Email her here dare2bu@gmx.co.uk

I was found in the moment
 

I was on a group call yesterday and we were talking about The Power of Now.
Someone gave an example of how they had an experience of ‘being in the now’. It was a beautiful example. They used the phrase ‘I was lost in the moment’
 

As they said the words my mind immediately said “I was found in the moment”

And it struck me that really, that was it.

When we are in this moment…. We are found.
We are exactly who we are meant to be.
We are exactly where we are meant to be.
We are doing exactly what we are meant to be doing.

So, how do I live in the moment?
How do I bring myself back to Now?

I see it like this…

We never need to do anything to live in this moment ~ unless it occurs to us to do so.
In each and every moment we have innate wisdom, available to us, guiding us, inviting us to be here and now.

When our mind takes us into a perceived future or a remembered past, we never have to stay there. If it isn’t comfortable, that is our invitation to notice we are not in the moment.

And that noticing and that awareness is enough.

When I go to a theme park (which is rare, cos I am mostly a wimp with big rides!) my favourite ride is the Pirate Ship.

I love that giddy feeling in my tummy as it plummets from the highest point back down to the middle, but it doesn’t stop it propels on through and once again I am in the sky waiting to plummet. Eventually, it slows down, and the ship stops in the middle. It is designed to do just that. To come back to the middle.

We are designed like that too. To live in the Now. We can enjoy the highs and the giddy feelings, and the plummeting of life. But when it becomes too much, when it feels uncomfortable, know that you are designed to come back to Now.

Life has an incredible way of bringing us back.

I am never lost.
I am only ever found, in this moment.
 

By Deb, 

By Deb, 

Blog, By Bec

It’s Bec here.

I am starting a rEVOLution. Last week, something hit me right between the eyes. I can’t quite put into words what it was ~ only that I saw, really deeply how much benefit there is to turn up from LOVE not fear in our lives.

And so I am starting a rEVOLution ~ to Love, not fear, in as many places as I can.

For me this is all about knowing three things…

1. The Gap

When we see that our actions or behaviours are directly connected to the thoughts we are having in a given moment we are afforded a little gap.
A gap in the Thought-Feeling Believed-Action or Behaviour Loop

We are given a moment, it may only be the shortest of moments, a split second even. But it is there. And it invites us to stop before we take action. To recognise that we do not need to act from that thought or feeling.

The Gap shows us a different response is available.

And we only have to see this once to know that it The Gap is a lifesaver.
It has stopped me, on numerous occasions from doing something I know I will later regret.
 

We all have it available to us, to see the gap, the moment where we can choose a different response.

And being aware of the gap helps me live more from Love not Fear.
 

2. Resistance is futile

Our feelings, or moods as we sometimes like to call them, are designed to pass.
We can tell a great story of always feeling a certain way, or always being in a certain mood. But when we look at the evidence, it simply isn’t true.
 

My feelings change, my mood differs.

When I was a kid, the city centre had a new shopping centre built, with escalators which in my opinion were designed with me in mind… they were great fun. I wasted a lot of time running up and down them.

To keep it really interesting, I sometimes tried to run UP the down escalator.

It took a lot of energy. For me, that is the same when we try to resist a feeling or mood ~ it actually takes more of our energy as we are going in the wrong direct.

We are designed for feelings to pass and resistance simply holds them in place longer than we need them to be. We never have to resist any feeling or mood that we have.

3. There is more to us...

There is more to us than just our human make-up.

We are spiritual or universal energy.

Human beings are extraordinary. You only have to look around you to see what we create, to know how extraordinary we are. Every one of us has the ability to create ~ sometimes we use that ability to create incredible things, things we are proud of. Others times we create something we would rather forget, something unhelpful.

Either way we create because we are that universal energy. We are more than simple human, who live then die.

We are LOVE ~ that is the essential ingredient. That is what we are made from and LOVE can never die. It cannot be damaged, even if our human experience isn’t always what we might have wanted.
 

When we begin to see this is what we are, we begin to live from LOVE not fear.

Join me in the 2020 rEVOLution and live from LOVE not fear!
 

What my hair taught me about paradoxes, by Deb

Have you got something about you that you really don’t like and have fought against most of your life?

For me it was my hair…

For those of you who have been around us for any length of time will know I have curly hair.

For a very long time I really didn’t like my hair at all.

I had it chemically straightened many times ~ it never worked very well ~ my hair wanted to be curly!

My straighteners were my best friend.

Damp air was my worst enemy ~ my hair would turn into a frizz ball.

I had a lot of anxious thinking about my hair, what it was doing, what it looked like, what other people might be thinking about it, how much better my life would be if only my hair was straight and shiny and would do something other than look like a brillo pad on my head…and a million other unhelpful thoughts that plagued my life and seemed as if they were true.

Even if it’s not your hair for you, I’m sure you have been there with something…

Then about two years ago I decided to embrace my curls, go with things the way they were instead of constantly fighting a battle to make things different.

So, I set about learning all I could about curly hair and my curly hair in particular.

It seems there are four types of hair; straight, wavy, curly and coily.

But then hair also has other characteristics, density, width and porosity.

And then it does certain things, like gets knotty and tangled or not.

Frizzes in damp weather or not.

Gets greasy or not.

I’m sure you get the picture and if you have your own hair you can relate – even if its not curly.

Then, armed with all the information about my hair, what it does and doesn’t do, I started to research how best to care for my locks.

It turns out I have paradoxical hair…

Given what I now know about hair mine does things that it shouldn’t!

I couldn’t make it fit neatly into a tick box, no matter how hard I tried.

I don’t know why this was a surprise to me.

But it did make me chuckle and it reminded me that we are designed to live in a paradoxical world, where two things that seemingly shouldn’t co-exist, do.

And what’s more we are built to thrive in this world.

If for some reason we are struggling, even if that struggle is with our hair then we are misunderstanding how life works.

Simply understanding the paradoxical nature of life is enough to end the struggle.

Our intellect doesn’t like this and continually seeks to make life fit into a neat tick box, just like I did with my hair.

But it won’t.

And it seems that the more we fight this the more miserable we get.

Fighting my curly hair was a battle that I was always going to lose.

Fighting our true nature is a battle we will always lose too.

Peace, love, harmony and wisdom is our deepest truest nature.

Understanding this is the key to living a wonderful life ~ even if you have wild unruly hair! 

By Bec, 

It was my turn to write our weekly blog this week. I was spending the weekend with my partner, at his place. We often go for walks, from his house to a local park, during which time we have some really fun, interesting and, sometimes random, conversations.

It occurred to me to ask him what I should write a blog about this week.
He said "moderate - it's been our word of the weekend"

He was right, a few times over our weekend together the word moderate had come up.

But, I must admit I wasn't sure I could write a blog about it.

So, instead I just sat down to write and the phrase "being in the game" came to mind.

Since being in this conversation it hasn't ceased to amaze me how, when I just "put my head into the game", something has turned up. Something I'm not sure I could have pulled out of the bag, all on my own.

I have seen time and time again, how life continues to invite me to play, to be in the game. And when I show up, life meets me more than half way; way more! 

I was reading a book this morning (Wayne Dyer, Change your Thoughts, Change your Life) which is his exploration of the Tao Te Ching. 

Each chapter invites you to "Do the Tao Now". In other words, to be in the game ... To read the chapter and then go out and live life to see if it makes sense. Much like we often talk about invitations and challenges. 

Life is a contact sport, and for me, it is all very well and enjoyable to explore my spiritual nature. But I like being in the game too. And so, whenever I am exploring I like to see if I can take what I am hearing out into the world with me.

Or to use the game metaphor... I like to train and then see if my training has paid off when I step out onto the pitch.

What I was reading in Wayne's book this morning, was pointing to the thing that cannot be named, and that which is named - how we name things and yet somehow we know that the thing really isn't limited to the label we have put on it. 

And "Do the Tao Now" was to be aware of when we are desiring for something to be different, and to notice that we can allow it to be what it is.

This felt to me much like the place of balance we talk about. 

I looked up the meaning of Moderate and found that one of the meanings is average....

Well, average, of course, is in the middle - the place of balance.

And so, here I am, being in the game and exploring balance. And life just brings me many new ways to see it ... To explore it... To experience it.

So, this is what being in the game really is to me.

It's turning up, being aware of what I am desiring to be different, noticing the place where I can allow, having conversations with people about random words, putting myself out into the world.

And life, the universes, brings me sooooo much!

Are you in the game? 

By Deb, 
 

Sometimes when I start to write my blog I just look at the blank page and the thought ‘I’ve said it all before’ comes to me.

It doesn’t look as if there is anything new to share with you.

Then I remember that we all have the built-in capacity to hear something new in the most familiar of places.

The spiritual understanding we share here is very narrow, but it is infinitely deep.

There is simply no end to what we can hear and how much this can immediately and directly impact the quality of our life for the better.

Last week we spent an amazing three days with a fabulous group of people exploring our spiritual nature.

People who have been around this understanding for a while.

People who have heard it before.

Yet as we were sitting together in a very beautiful feeling insights were popping.

Everyone saw something new in the very familiar.

So, at the risk of repeating myself and in the hope that it sparks something new for you I want to share some of what I heard again more deeply.

Life is a beautiful gift.

I know that our experience can sometimes be incredibly messy, difficult and painful, but underneath that mess, pain and difficulty there is something else. Love, Peace and our own connection to Universal Intelligence sometimes called Wisdom.

This truly is an amazing gift.

It allows life to flow through us and for us to always have access to peace of mind no matter what.

I also noticed something else very interesting, that I am very good at holding onto things I don’t want. I can use my free will against myself.

For example, imagine I am doing my hair and it’s not going right.

Then I have the thought ‘it’s really difficult to make my hair look nice’

And that thought just looks like a non-negotiable fact to me.

Then someone else says, ‘well I think your hair is lovely and when you do it, it looks really nice’

I know from all we share that my experience of my hair comes from the thinking I am having about it in that moment and even without my hair being any different I can have a whole new experience as soon as I have a new thought.

But instead of letting go of the thought that my hair isn’t nice I start to feel frustrated that they don’t agree with me and give a ton of reasons why I am right.

The really strange thing with this is I want nice hair, but I am arguing to keep something that comes with a horrible feeling.

This wasn’t the content of my insight but I really saw clearly how good I am at doing this.

And it’s something I have watched others do too.

Since seeing this again it has become even easier to let go of a lot of my unhelpful thinking.

I love this system that we have all been born into, even when I have nothing something appears!

Honesty
How honest can you be with yourself?

I really enjoy being honest with myself.
It is something I wasn’t able to do a few years ago.

I love being part of an exploration of life, this understanding, this conversation - because that is what this is in my mind – it continues to invite me to see something new about me.

It seems to me, that life continues to happen. I presume, until I die, it still will. 
I enjoy having the best experience of life.

And this is the way I have found to do that...

When something appears to come at me – I am honest with myself about what that is inviting me to see.

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend and, as friends are good for doing at times, they shared something they saw in me that, for some time, my ego really didn't want to hear.

"How dare they accuse me of that? What about them, I can list a hundred things they don't do and places they aren't as 'good' as me"

It took me a while to be honest with myself.  To find the places where my friend has a point, the places where I could hear something in what my friend shared and turn up differently.

This is the continuing exploration for me. In each situation, in each conversation, to see where I can be honest with myself

"Can I be better here?"

Am I ready to hear something and know myself a little better yet?

Usually the ego steps forward with a resounding "no thanks, I'm perfect" before I can get much further.

But something deeper in me, that something that I keep looking towards, the creative essence of life that runs through us all, well then it speaks up ...

"Is what this person is sharing true about me?"

"Is there somewhere I could be better?"

"Do I want to be better?"

When someone shares something with me - whether a well-meaning friend or an apparently uncaring stranger - I have found that my best experience of life comes when I allow my ego to drop its defences, open my heart, get really honest with myself and then step forward from a new place of knowing myself.

This is something my innate wisdom has guided me to...
To find my way of knowing myself more, of having a better experience of life.

How about you?

How honest are you with yourself?

Where does your wisdom take you when you turn up with an open heart and hearing ears?

How does this conversation help you to have the best experience of life?
 

Blog, by Deb

Have you ever felt overwhelmed and as if you are never going to get everything done that you really must do in a specific time frame?

If your answer is no, then that’s great, stop reading this you really don’t need to.

But for the rest of us mere mortals I would love to share something around time and those things we ‘have’ to do that’s been enormously helpful to me in the hope it will help you too.

Are you ready for this…?

You are doing a ton of things that you really don’t need to be doing.

These things are zapping your time and energy for no reason whatever and the sooner you stop the sooner you can use that time to have more fun, love connection and freedom in your life.

Let me explain.

Life is an amazing self-sustaining system with more built into it to help us than any of us will ever realise. But we have to learn how to use all these great functions.

For example, I’m pretty sure you have a mobile phone, aren’t they amazing things they do so much. It’s like having a minicomputer in your pocket!
 

But most of us barely make use of half of what our phones are capable of.

I’ve had mine for quite some time and for a while I stopped taking pictures because it told me that the storage was full.

Then my daughter pointed out that I had 1T of storage in the cloud (for those of you that are like me, apparently that’s a lot and I can easily put my pictures there)
 

Before I knew this, I was missing out on some gorgeous photo opportunities with my fast growing grandson. A simple bit of information changed that.

Since I found out about the storage I have been happily clicking away without a care in the world.

I have had a similar experience with some of the things I used to spend a lot of my time doing, I saw there was another way and I simply stopped doing things the way I used too. It freed up masses of time and space, my life got lighter and easier immediately.

Here are some of the things you are probably doing that you really don’t need to.

Worrying about a whole host of things.

Trying to control the things you worry about.

People pleasing (making sure everyone is happy and that they like you)

All those things under the label ‘well if I didn’t do it nobody would’

Each of these things is a list on it’s own!

I am sure you get the picture, I’m also sure your own list is coming to mind as you read this one, the things you do that somewhere inside you know are pointless, because they get you nowhere and leave you feeling bad.

But for some reason you are doing them relentlessly…

This is what I call the ‘I already know that’ trap.

Those times when you say I know that…and wait for it…the next work out of your mouth is BUT…

I ‘already knew’ I didn’t need to worry about things BUT I’m a mum and mum’s worry about their children, it shows that I care right?

I didn’t even look at or question that, I thought I already knew not to worry BUT…apparently, I didn’t because I was still worrying ~ a lot.

So what did change things, what did help me drop the worrying and have a whole lot of free time to do other way more productive and helpful stuff?

I heard someone say recently the three most dangerous words in the world are ‘I already know’ I think this may be true.

I have found that when I’m brave enough to look at my buts and to question what I think I already know nothing can stand up to that kind of scrutiny and my mind opens to new possibility.

That’s built into the system and the upgrade is totally free and very freeing!

Why don’t you try going back to the list or better still the things that come to you from the list I made, look at how many buts you have and how much you think you already know… 

Really? Is that true?

Fullstops & Questions Marks 

Notifications, by Bec

I was on a call recently, with a client and as they were sharing a little insight popped into my head (I love my job!)

It went something like this…

Human beings are designed intelligently.
We can know when we are out of balance, or when our thinking is off.
We can know this because we have notifications that tell us. Just like on a smart phone.

My smart phone is set up to vibrate when I get a WhatsApp message, to remain silent when I have a text message, not to tell me anything when I have an email and to ring when I get a call. There are many variations of this for each of the different apps I have on my phone.

I can update the notifications any time, to suit me.

At night-time, for example, I have my phone on silent ~ but it has a special setting if a member of my family were to call.

The ‘system’ I referred to earlier, that each human being is a part of, does something a bit like that ~ only better!

It notifies us every time we are off balance, or if we are lost in a story or thought storm.

Just like with my phone, I can turn those notifications to silent and ignore them.

With my phone, that is a pretty handy thing to be able to do.

However, as humans, the more we silence those alarms, the easier it becomes to ignore them. That alarm, or notification, contains information about where we are in life ~ whether it is time to take a break or take action.

It is a very helpful guidance system.

When we put it onto silent and ignore it, we lose a really helpful element in our lives.

The more familiar we become with our personal notifications ~ like when we get a new phone and it takes a few rings before we realise it is ours ~ the easier life becomes to navigate.

We can start to see the places that we need to take a breather, sleep on something that is troubling us, step away from a problem, lean on a friend, take some action, ask for help and so on.

Knowing that those notifications are personalised for us invites us to get to know ourselves. I could share with you what my notification sounds like, in my mind, but what is far more helpful here is to look for yourself.

Be curious.

Ask yourself what your own guidance system, your own notifications, sound like to you?
When we are curious, it is amazing what we find out.

I am sure, like me, there will have been times when you have silenced your own innate wisdom ~ heard the notification, so to speak, and ignored it.

Humans are equipped with a system so far beyond any technology that we have managed to invent, why not get to know how it works and benefit from it?

The essence, the intelligence, behind this system is more than words can really say.
This metaphor hopefully just goes a little way to pointing you in the right direction.

So, next time you pick up your phone ~ ask yourself, are my notifications coming through loud and clear?

Have a great day!

Blog, by Deb

I was out in the garden weeding my flower bed the other day, well, it would be way more accurate to say I was looking at all of the things that are growing there and trying to work out what had come from the seeds I had planted and which were the weeds that had managed to find their way into my raised bed uninvited.
 

For me a novice gardener, it wasn’t easy to tell the difference. 

I was also out there to give myself some space to reflect on the ‘funny mood’ my partner was in and exactly what that meant about me and what was the best thing I could do. 

Anyway as I had hoped, the weeding got me thinking. 

I remember gardening with my grandad when I was small, my job would be to pull up the weeds between his runner beans.
 

My instructions were to get the whole root out or very quickly the weeds would be back as if they had never been removed and they would choke his beloved beans. 

I can still hear his voice in my head  ‘we’re not surface weeding we are getting to the root of the problem and getting rid once and for all’

My grandads words were going round in my head along with what I know about where experience comes from and the task in hand, removing the weeds, roots and all to stop the problem coming back. 

I could see the benefit of getting to the ‘root of the problem’ ousting all the uninvited thoughts that were in my head, but I didn’t really want to go digging or overthinking with what was going on with my partner…umm

I carried on pulling out anything that looked like a weed to me. 

Then it occurred to me. 
 

I was stuck in that unhelpful and certainly uninvited thinking about my partner. It had looked as if it was
him that was the problem and that I needed to do something about him. 
 

But I knew that wasn’t true.
 

The problem was my thinking, or more accurately, the fact that I was believing the thought that my partner and his mood were the problem.
 

I remembered the feeling that had sent me into the garden was actually a clue that I was believing that unhelpful thinking, it wasn’t telling me anything about my partner at all. 
 

I didn’t even need to know what the thinking was, the feeling was all the information I needed. 

I was blaming him and his funny mood for the way I was feeling. 

I was forgetting that my feelings come from the thinking I am having in that moment and I was expecting him to do something different so that I could feel better.
 

Rookie mistake. 

I actually laughed out loud.
 

Then the thought occurred to me to try and do what I had been expecting him to do… feel differently in that moment. 

I laughed again how could I demand that he feel differently so that I could feel different? 

In that moment much to my surprise I was feeling completely differently.Turns out Nothing was needed from my partner at all 
 

Wow this stuff is powerful!

I was reminded how I work, how my partner works and how helpful it is to get to the root of the weeds that grow very quickly in my mind and choke the beauty that blossoms there. 

I remembered that every thought comes with a feeling.

A good feeling is a flower thought.

A bad feeling is a weed thought. 
 

To get rid of the weed thoughts all I need to do is not allow them to take root in my mind. 

All this takes is for me to see that any thought that causes me stress simply isn’t true Stopping the thought in it’s tracks and actually looking to see if it is true is very helpful here. 

Do that a few times and you start to get to know a weed and a flower apart like a seasoned Gardner in no time.

It simply isn’t true that my partner is to blame for how I feel. 

I know that. 
 

When I think it’s his fault, I’m not very nice to him and I feel horrible. More stress and bad feelings. 

As soon as I see through my own thinking I am back to being kind, and my lovely partner looks totally different to me. 
 

It works like magic every time. 

I thought again about my gardening, I have a lot to learn about what is a flower and what is a weed, but Mostly these days I know myself well enough to recognise a weed thought. I was smiling as I went back inside both my flower bed and my mind clear of weeds for now.

Its an ongoing thing, weeding the garden and weeding my mind.

This week, Bec wrote a blog on the title "I care too much" and Deb recorded it as a vlog! 

In 2014, I walked out of my job.
I couldn’t take any more. I had to give up.
 

I had spent nearly 4 years trying to help my boss. Going above and beyond and then some.

I had lost too much weight. Didn’t eat very much. Couldn’t sleep or relax much at all.

I couldn’t concentrate at church. I avoided my friends because I was too exhausted to spend time with
them. I had symptoms of IBS.

I was in a mess and when I tried to talk to my boss about it I got nowhere.

So, I just left. I had hit rock bottom. I was broken.

I thought that if I worked harder, gave more, cared more, took it all on my shoulders then eventually I would get somewhere.
 

I cared. I worked hard. I gave a LOT.

I thought that caring for others was an honourable thing. I thought that was right.
I felt righteous, self-sacrificing, like it was what I was ‘meant’ to do.

So, how come it felt so draining?

After leaving my job, over the next few years, I deeply explored who I am, and how life really works.

It started to become clear to me how I had got into such a mess.

I began to see that, when I had lived my life from believing that is was all on me, I quickly burned myself out.
 

My exploration took me to places I hadn’t expected. I discovered that it wasn’t all on me. I had made that up.
 

I am part of something so much bigger. There is an energy behind life that is far more than words can express. I don’t need to take it all on my shoulder. I can give it to God, the Universal Energy.

I do not need to carry burdens.
 

When I understand than I can trust that it is not all on my shoulders, I can care for people, help people and be productive without burning out.
 

That ‘righteous’ feeling that came from caring was a false positive. As I began to get to truly know myself, I saw it for what it really was. It came with a bittersweet tang.

When I was honest with myself, I saw that I had known all along I never need to put others first from a place that is burdensome for me.
 

That is absolutely not how we are designed.
 

I saw that I was perfect, whole and complete and so was every other person on this planet. And the burden to fix others revealed itself as an illusion.

Paradoxically, this meant I was more helpful than I ever could be before.
 

When I was weighed down with the burden of other people’s happiness being on my shoulders, I was useless to another person. As I saw that freedom was mine, as soon as I trusted the Universal Energy, I was able to turn up to whatever was in front of me, with a sense of calm.
 

It is amazing to me, what I can achieve, how I can help and how productive I can be when I know that

Life has my back, that it is NEVER all on my shoulders.

Do you care too much? Maybe it’s time to look inwards and see what is really happening.

Deb's Blog

Bec's Blog

“Once upon a time there was a lovely princess”

This is the opening line of Shrek. Have you seen it?
It is the fairy tale to end all fairy tales. It is, at times, a little tongue in cheek.

For the most part, it is a stereotypical fairy tale story….
Ogre meets princess, saves her from a dragon, falls in love and they live happily ever after!

Fairy tales have a way of teaching us, misguidedly, that we are incomplete and need another person to complete us. That we will then live happily ever after.

I was definitely looking for my Prince Charming and expecting a happily ever after.
I imagined that someone else needed to save me, love me, to make me feel ok - like in the fairy tales.  I got myself into some very unhealthy relationships.

When I came into this conversation, I spent a lot of time getting to know myself. Understanding how we truly work, how we are both 100% human and 100% spiritual. How that paradox works. How our thought system works. And how all of this plays into creating a life we love.

When I truly realised that thought creates our reality, 100% of the time, and that I am worthy of love ~ my own love first and foremost ~ everything changed for me.

I saw through the misunderstanding that another person makes me happy or unhappy. I looked within for happiness and love.

I would love to know if the writers of Shrek understood the ending they chose.....
The story goes that Fiona, the princess, has a dark spell - when the sun sets each night she would turn into an ogre. The spell would only be broken on the day that she receives her true loves kiss. She would then forever be her true self.

When she finally kisses Shrek, the ogre, instead of turning into a Princess, she becomes an ogre.

I love this ending. When we fall in love with ourselves, when we connect with who we really are, no matter what form we appear to take, our partner has seen our true heart. But most importantly so have we!

Any relationship we are ever in, is an invitation to keep seeing through the misunderstanding. To continue investigating, being curious, exploring. When I come back to me, when I fall in love with myself again, when I start from acceptance, this is RELATIONSHIP HEAVEN and no other person even needs to be in the room!

Bec's blog

Deb's blog

Have you ever felt sensitive, as if someone, or maybe even the world is getting at you personally?

I know I have and if you are like me you will know that it hurts!

But in a very real way that feeling is there to give us helpful information.

Although it hurts and we don’t really like to hurt, it’s actually our friend.

It’s there to tell us that we are taking something personally that simply isn’t personal.

A bit like an alarm clock that goes off in the morning so we aren’t late, we might not like our alarm going off, but it’s actually very helpful.

I used to think that when I hurt in this way that the feeling was coming from what the world or some other person was doing.

So, it made sense to work hard to protect myself from other people and the world so that I would feel better.

But it just didn’t work, I see now that was because life doesn’t work that way.

That’s not where the hurt feeling was coming from or telling me.

Understanding where my hurt feeling was coming from and what it was telling me changed everything.

Imagine if your alarm clock sounded in the morning and you thought it was telling you to stay asleep, it would just get more and more annoying that it kept going off. But if you got up and went about your day the annoyance simply wouldn’t arise.

When we have a hurt feeling, it is our own personal inbuilt alarm clock to wake us up to what we are innocently doing, in this case taking something way too personally.

A hurt feeling is never coming from or telling us about other people or the world outside of us.

A hurt feeling can only ever come from within us and it is there to tell us about what we are doing and guide us back to our good feelings.

If we want to feel better, it’s enough to recognise this simple fact.

That alone will allow our bounce-back ability ~ aka resilience ~ to kick in.

As human beings we have resilience built into our system.

It’s not something we can ever run short of, it’s on tap, we always have what we need when we need it.

Resilience shows up as new thought.

Recognising where our feelings come from and what they are there to tell us creates space for that new thought to be heard. It allows us to feel our resilience.

Life is way less complicated than we make it.

Life is way less personal than we make it.

Life is way less serious than we make it.

The most direct route to a happy life is through a good feeling.

Understanding where our painful feelings come from is enough to bring us back to a good feeling.

When we are in a good feeling, we aren’t being sensitive or taking anything personally

How do I save my Relationship ~ Bec

I remember my early days of this conversation, Deb used to regularly say "go in the opposite direction, look to what is creating, not what has been created" 

This frustrated me for a while, my relationships were in a mess and I needed a fix, now! 

It took me a while to understand what she was saying, and now that I have seen something helpful I'm going to explain what I see that to mean now.

As humans we all operate the same way. 

Our experience is created by the energy of thought, the thinking we have, moment to moment.

There is also more to us than being human, there is an essence, a deeper truth to who we are.

We can trust that the universe has our back and we always have a "get out of jail free" card in our back pockets. 

Knowing these two things is what Deb was pointing to.... Another way I look at this is The relationship with ourselves.

Exploring these two things, checking out if they are true, here and here, and even here, is the game I like to play that makes the biggest difference to my relationship with myself.

Where do I think I am not enough?

Where do I think I am not ok?

How come it looks like something other than thought here?

Does the universe have my back now?

And so on....

Often, we try to solve the problem outside... What has ALREADY been create

For example 

"My partner needs to change, take responsibility or be a different person."

Or "I need to change, to be better, to make my partner happy."

But, when we look outside of us to fix a problem, we are operating from a misunderstanding 

It can look as though we, or our partner, or whoever the other person is in our lives, need to add more to who we are.

We need to find ways to manage anger. Or control behaviour. Or be more thoughtful. Or a million other things, that on the surface look like they will solve the problem.

For me, it was communication.

Communication was the buzz word for relationships when I was in my 20s

You had to communicate, the right way, at the right time, to ensure the other person understood every one of your feelings.

But here is the thing. The more we look outside, and add more jobs to our already weary shoulders, the less capacity we have to turn up in a relationship.

The answer lies in the opposite direction - just like Deb used to remind me!

Come inward. 

When we see how we create our experience 

again and again, 

every moment, 

even now, 

yes now! 

We begin to experience a clearer mind. A healthier mind, a freer mind. 

We see that we are already enough and from the space of enough, if there is something that makes clear sense to do, you have the clarity to do it.

And from clarity NOT from panic, worry and anxious thinking, the actions we take can be trusted.

The impact of this, for me, has been that all relationships in my life improve, and are saved. 

That isn't to say that the relationship will continue in the way it always has... Sometimes relationships change. We find we are no longer close to someone, or we no longer have a romantic connection with them. 

We can trust that decisions and actions from the clearer mind are the right ones for us.

And ultimately when we do what is right for ourselves,we are doing what it right for whoever we are in a relationship with.

How do I save my Relationship ~ Deb

I remember asking myself the question ‘how do I save my relationship?’ many, many times.

I would have two opposing thoughts going around and around in my head, ‘how do I get out of this relationship?’ and ‘how do I save this relationship?’

It was a very uncomfortable time in my life.

I was very unhappy.

I often had headaches.

I often felt physically unwell, my stomach hurt, my eyes were sore, I was allergic to many things and I would have unexplained aches and pains and illnesses.

I didn’t connect many of my physical symptoms to the turmoil going on in my head.

They looked like a separate issue, just one more thing to deal with.

I never realised that physical symptoms always come from thinking.

It never occurred to me and nobody ever told me it was possible.

It simply looked to me that I was in a difficult situation and I was a sickly person.

It seemed that ‘working it all out’ by thinking long and hard about it, spending time deciding on a plan of action, was not only the best way to help myself, it was the only way.

I didn’t see any other options. Except to maybe ignore it and hope it would all go away.

It didn’t.

So, I would spend hours torturing myself, thinking myself into a frenzy, until my head and my eyes hurt.

I lived on high alert for years.  

I see now that my unhappiness didn’t come from the situation.

It came from all the weight of what was going on in my head.

It came from needlessly living on high alert.

I didn’t manage to save that relationship, but I did save myself.

If I ever found myself in a similar situation now, I would do something very different to what I did then.

I have a new understanding.

I see things now that I simply couldn’t see then.

I see where all my pain and unhappiness came from.

I see that the pain came from within me, it was me, trying to tell myself to get to know me better.

It was me crying out to be heard and understood.

If anyone ever asked me the question how do I save my relationship? or how do I get out of my relationship? I might not have the direct answer to their question, but I would have a way to point them.

I would point them inwards.

Because we all have our own answers, somewhere inside.

I would point them towards an understanding of who they are.

I would tell them, that they are feeling what they are thinking and believing it to be true.

Because that’s what human beings do, we think, and we feel that thinking.

When we suffer, that painful feeling is an alarm clock to wake us up to the fact that we are believing something that simply isn’t true.

If that alarm clock wakes us up, we know what to do in all our relationships.

We have our own answers and these answers will work for us.

Seeing this is life changing.

Effortless Relationships ~ Deb

Relationships should be one of the simplest things for human beings but there is a fundamental misunderstanding that makes the simplest of things a difficult struggle for way too many of us.

Effortless Relationships ~ Bec

There is nothing you have to do, be or have that can make you more wonderful than you already are.

When I first saw just a glimpse of truth in this, it changed my relationships.
We share a lot about relationships, and the first and most important thing that we point to is that all good, healthy and effortless relationships begin with self.

How?

Well, it looks like this to me…
When I turn up to anything in life believing I need to be more, do more or have more to be something different, then I have a lot of noise in my mind.
With a lot of noise in my mind, it takes a lot more effort to be in a relationship ~ any relationship.

When I turn up, knowing that I am already enough, I am able to be who I am and from a clear and quiet mind there is far less for me to do in any relationship.

I have found that from a quieter mind I am all of the things that I ‘think’ I should be, but from a more natural and peaceful space.

I am considerate, compassionate, caring and thoughtful. But without the noisy mind, the pressure of getting it right, I am those things effortlessly.

Have you noticed that there are things you can do with virtually no effort?

Driving, cooking a meal, typing, making a cup of tea, baking a cake.
I am sure you have skills of you own that come to mind.

All skills that at one time we might have had a lot of noise about. And yet, now the noise has quietened down and we just find those things happening through us. Because at some point we realised we were perfectly capable of doing them.

This is exactly what I have seen with relationships too.

I realised I was capable of being me ~ and being me is all that is required for effortless relationships.

This week, Deb and Bec chose to do something different with their blog.
Some years ago, a piece of writing ~ "Choose her Everyday" by Brian Reeves had a huge impact on both of them in their relationships.
This week, we wanted to share that piece of writing. We have also written our own version "Choose Me Everyday" which talks to the relationship we have with ourselves.
Both blogs are below ~ we hope you enjoy them both.

Choose Her Everyday

Choose Me Everyday

I spent 4 years hurting myself by not fully choosing myself.

I did want to be me. I really wanted to choose me and be honest with myself.

I was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. I could make myself laugh. Waking up every morning snuggled up was my happy place.
I used to love myself wildly.

Unfortunately, as happens with, my ignorance of how to do self-love well created stressful challenges in my relationship with me.

Before long, once my young blissful ignorance of life gave way to the misunderstanding of everyday life, I would often wonder if there was a person out there who would make life easier, and who could love me better.

As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose myself less and less.

Every day, for four years, I chose myself a little less.

I just stopped choosing myself. I suffered.

Choosing me would have meant focusing every day on the gifts I was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: my laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about me.

I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of my personality that grated on me. The more I focused on the worst of me, the more I saw of it, and the more I projected that out into the world.

Naturally, this only magnified the strain on my life … which still made me choose myself even less.

Thus did the nasty death spiral play itself out over four years.

I fought hard with myself, to make me choose. That’s a fool’s task.

I realise now, however, that I was often angry because I didn’t feel safe with me.

I felt me not choosing myself every day, in my words and my actions, and I was afraid.

Actually, I abandoned myself.

By not fully choosing me every day for four years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about myself, I deserted me.

Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left myself alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of lack.

I’ll never not choose myself again.

It’s torture for everyone.

I invite you to ask yourself this question:
“Why am I choosing myself today?”

If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”

If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.
But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing yourself, let go.

Create the opening for wisdom to show up and see yourself with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose you every day.

You deserve to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.

Choose wisely

Overwhelm ~ Deb

Overwhelm ~ Bec

We decided on our blog topic this week as we had been having a few conversations with people who felt overwhelmed. 

It is a feeling I am very familiar with. For a few years I felt overwhelmed in a job I was working, that kept me awake at night, and struggling with anxiety.

For me, when I feel overwhelmed there are two things I look to remember...

What my feelings are telling me and where my responsibility lies.

My feelings are not telling me that I have more to do than I can manage. Or that I won't get done what needs to be done, or even that someone else should be helping me.

Feelings do not hold any information about my circumstances.

I am going to say that again, cos it's absolutely key.

My feelings are never giving me information about my circumstances, other people or anything outside of me.

What are my feelings telling me then?

Feelings are a barometer, telling me how true I am taking my thoughts to be in this moment.

Or, another way I look at this, is that feelings tell me where I am on the responsibility scale....

As human beings we are called to take responsibility, to step up and do what is ours to do. 

But it is also built into the system that it isn't all on our shoulders. 

There is a beautiful space of balance, where we can do what is ours, without taking on the burden of EVERYTHING.

It can be very easy to over step the mark, to take on Gods job, or to try and do the Universes work.

Thankfully, our feelings tell us when we have done this. 

The feeling of overwhelm is telling me I am doing just that.

As we begin to see that our feelings are reminding us where we are on the responsibility scale, we begin to move back towards the place of balance. We can look within to know what is ours to do.

We can see that our responsibilities don't come with a heavy feeling and our mind begins to clear.

With a clear mind, whatever is ours to do becomes effortless. We can turn up and do what is ours, we can carry out our work, respond to our loved ones, or take care of our responsibilities with ease.

The more I am reminded of these two things ~ what my feelings are telling me and where my responsibility lies ~ the less I am caught up with overwhelm. And when I am, sometimes, I know where to look ...

Within

FOMO or JOMO ~ Bec

FOMO or JOMO ~ Deb

Yesterday I was wearing a jumper dress that I don’t like that much.
Bec commented that she liked it and I flippantly said ‘oh you can have it then, it’s really not me’
She went on to say how nice it was and how much she really wanted to wear it.
I started to feel that I might have been a bit rash, if I gave it away I might be missing out on something...

I remember when my children were small, a distinct moment when they started to want things other people had. They would have no interest in a toy until someone else picked it up.
They would drop whatever they were playing with to take something from their friend or brother or sister, then immediately lose interest if the other child picked up something else and want that toy instead.
It was quite funny to watch (although it did often result in a few tantrums and tears) and as far as I know pretty much all of us go through this stage.
FOMO!
The Fear Of Missing Out.
That feeling that someone else has something you want.
It’s the start of our insecure thinking.
The thought and therefore the feeling that we need something someone else has so we can feel good.
The bad news is that once we have had an insecure thought we can have another one at anytime with no prior warning.

The good news is that it’s not the fact that we have insecure thoughts that is the problem.
It’s the fact that we don’t understand them and we take them way too seriously.
It’s the fact that we think our thinking is the problem and believe that thinking.

Once we understand the nature of thought and know a little bit more about how we work, insecure thoughts become way less of a problem.
And it is possible for us to learn to understand. We have that capacity.

So what is the nature of thought and how do we work?
 
It’s a fact that all human beings think.
Thought creates our experience.
For some reason many of believe that just because a thought is in our head it must mean something, it must be true.
We don’t notice how much our thoughts change and how our experience changes with them.
We don’t notice that there is more to us than the thinking we have.
We don’t notice that our thoughts aren’t the problem, it’s the fact that we believe them that causes us to suffer.

Somehow once we become aware of our thinking and that we don’t have to believe it it has much less power and influence over us.

When we stop to check and see if the thoughts we have been so bought into are actually true or not this seems to open up a space inside for us to have a different thought therefore a different experience.
We begin to see that we are more than just our thoughts.

We begin to experience JOMO
The joy of missing out.
We start to see we don’t actually need something someone else has for us to feel good.
Feeling peaceful and contented are in fact our default setting.
They are the place we go back to when we don’t take too much notice of our fearful thoughts.

JOMO becomes much more attractive to us.
We start to come from a place of joy not a place of fear.

What's Helpful?

Deb As I write this we are in to our fifth week of lockdown.

I have watched as people pull together and fall apart.

What is that about? why do we sometimes come together so beautifully and sometimes so completely fall apart.

How can this happen even when the outside circumstances don’t change?

I wanted to reflect on what is helpful for us as human beings when times seem difficult.

The poem If by Rudyard Kipling came to my mind.

‘If you can keep your head while all around are losing their’s’

The message of the poem is clear, if you can do the right thing, the thing that might at first glance seem to be the exact opposite of what looks like the right thing, not the thing that everyone else around you seems to automatically be doing, then you will unlock something within you that will give you the world.

But how do we do this? How do we keep our head when everyone around us is losing their’s?

How do we unlock what’s inside us and gain the prize of owning the world?

I was speaking with my son tonight, he loves playing video games, this was how I explained it to him.

Life is rather like one of the games you play.

Imagine you were given a game but not told how to play or the rules, all you know is that you have to play and along the way work out how it all works, and how to win.

You have been given lots of things to help you, and a few things that will trip you up, but you have to work out what these are too.

There are players ahead of you who can help you.

They can leave you clues rather like the poem that Rudyard left.

You have to work out which clues will help you and which ones are red herrings.

It’s a good idea to listen and learn from those who are doing well, people who have reached places in the game that you want to get to.

As you play you can learn from what happens to you.

You can work out how each level works and how to get to the next one.

It can take a while to get your bearings, you will make mistakes and end up going back a level now and again. But that’s ok.

The game of life is weighted in your favour so if you chose to work out how it works to keep playing and to learn you will succeed.

If you see me as one of the people who have reached a place you would like to reach for what it’s worth here are a few things that might help you along the way...

It’s helpful to know that you have that something inside you, something that can be hidden but is findable if you stop to look. A spark that can’t be put out, a spark that’s personal to you. Something that once found will be your greatest gift. It makes you, you uniquely amazing yet part of a greater whole. It’s your light that shines in the world.

This amazing gift will always have something helpful - Go with what’s helpful and realise that what’s helpful can and will change moment to moment, it’s meant to be that way and it’s okay that it is.

Part of this gift is that you have an inner guidance system, it’s 100% reliable, but like everything in this game you have to work out how it works.

You don’t have to listen to or believe anything that you think if you don’t want to, just because a thought is in your head that alone doesn’t make it real or true.

The people around you are a reflection of you.

If you find them disagreeable, don’t try and change them, change yourself.

You aren’t alone in this game. To win you have to help everyone else win too.

Winning doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be happy all the time, and that’s ok too. Yes it really is okay not to be ok sometimes.

Life is an amazing game and it’s a gift that you are a player.

It won’t always feel that way, when it doesn’t refer back to the fact that you don’t have to believe anything you think - ever - if you don’t want to. How ever real it seems in that moment.

Be playful and curious

Good luck & I love you.

I hope that is as helpful to you as it was to my son last night.

What's Helpful ~ Bec

I can sometimes feel like I have to have all the answers. That I need to be the person who fixes problems. When someone else is worried, upset or in difficulty, I have to resolve it for them.

About 6 years ago, I was in a really big mess. I had just come out of an unhealthy working relationship and I was exhausted. I had made the difficult decision to leave my church community and had broken off a tangled, messy romantic relationship too.

I didn't have any answers. I couldn't fix my problems. I had no idea how to resolve the mess I felt I was in.

I turned to my family and they picked up the slack, helped me get back on my feet and for a while made decisions for me, holding my hand every step of the way.

It was really helpful - it was the right thing for them to do and it was right for me to fall into their arms for that support.

As my life moved forward, I didn't need support in quite that way anymore. I made my own decisions, healthy ones. I walked upright and got to spend some time with my family in a much less dependant way. 

It was really helpful to allow those changes to unfold. It was right for me to take more responsibility for myself and for my family to be able to step back and give my the space to find my own feet again.

What is helpful? In any given moment, there is a myriad of things that could be helpful.....

Knowing that everything is available on the buffet table of life, means that we can take what is helpful, when we need it.

There is no limit to what is possible. 

We are both human and spiritual, we are both spectators and participants, we are both one and separate.

Everything is available to us.... 

Every single thing you can think of is possible. 

And the exact opposite is also 100% available too.

Our intellect will never get this.

Our feelings, never our intellect, will tell us when we are seeing this and know this to be true.

When we feel comfortable with all things being possible, we are not trying to intellectualise it. When we feel uncomfortable, unaccepting, foggy, unclear about this - this is our feedback system telling us we have started to believe that only one thing can be true. 

Our intellect is trying to figure it out ...
I am either responsible or not.
I am either able to create or creation isn't in my power.
I either have to slog my guts out or I wait for everything to fall into my lap.
I either need to meditate or its pointless and so on...

There is no middle ground, no balance, with the intellect it is black and white!

What is helpful is coming back to knowing that we can trust our innate wisdom in each moment to guide us to what is right in that moment. Every single human being has this available too

I don't have to have all of the answers - if Im meant to know something I will.

I don't need to be the person who fixes a problem - if there is a problem, then a solution will be available.

I don't have to resolve everyone's worries - each and every person has heir own innate capacity to move past their own worries and struggles.

Knowing that, now that is helpful!!!

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Blog here ... 

Effortless Relationships ~ Deb

Relationships should be one of the simplest things for human beings but there is a fundamental misunderstanding that makes the simplest of things a difficult struggle for way too many of us.

Effortless Relationships ~ Bec

There is nothing you have to do, be or have that can make you more wonderful than you already are.

When I first saw just a glimpse of truth in this, it changed my relationships.
We share a lot about relationships, and the first and most important thing that we point to is that all good, healthy and effortless relationships begin with self.

How?

Well, it looks like this to me…
When I turn up to anything in life believing I need to be more, do more or have more to be something different, then I have a lot of noise in my mind.
With a lot of noise in my mind, it takes a lot more effort to be in a relationship ~ any relationship.

When I turn up, knowing that I am already enough, I am able to be who I am and from a clear and quiet mind there is far less for me to do in any relationship.

I have found that from a quieter mind I am all of the things that I ‘think’ I should be, but from a more natural and peaceful space.

I am considerate, compassionate, caring and thoughtful. But without the noisy mind, the pressure of getting it right, I am those things effortlessly.

Have you noticed that there are things you can do with virtually no effort?

Driving, cooking a meal, typing, making a cup of tea, baking a cake.
I am sure you have skills of you own that come to mind.

All skills that at one time we might have had a lot of noise about. And yet, now the noise has quietened down and we just find those things happening through us. Because at some point we realised we were perfectly capable of doing them.

This is exactly what I have seen with relationships too.

I realised I was capable of being me ~ and being me is all that is required for effortless relationships.

This week, Deb and Bec chose to do something different with their blog.
Some years ago, a piece of writing ~ "Choose her Everyday" by Brian Reeves had a huge impact on both of them in their relationships.
This week, we wanted to share that piece of writing. We have also written our own version "Choose Me Everyday" which talks to the relationship we have with ourselves.
Both blogs are below ~ we hope you enjoy them both.

Choose Her Everyday

Choose Me Everyday

I spent 4 years hurting myself by not fully choosing myself.

I did want to be me. I really wanted to choose me and be honest with myself.

I was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. I could make myself laugh. Waking up every morning snuggled up was my happy place.
I used to love myself wildly.

Unfortunately, as happens with, my ignorance of how to do self-love well created stressful challenges in my relationship with me.

Before long, once my young blissful ignorance of life gave way to the misunderstanding of everyday life, I would often wonder if there was a person out there who would make life easier, and who could love me better.

As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose myself less and less.

Every day, for four years, I chose myself a little less.

I just stopped choosing myself. I suffered.

Choosing me would have meant focusing every day on the gifts I was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: my laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about me.

I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of my personality that grated on me. The more I focused on the worst of me, the more I saw of it, and the more I projected that out into the world.

Naturally, this only magnified the strain on my life … which still made me choose myself even less.

Thus did the nasty death spiral play itself out over four years.

I fought hard with myself, to make me choose. That’s a fool’s task.

I realise now, however, that I was often angry because I didn’t feel safe with me.

I felt me not choosing myself every day, in my words and my actions, and I was afraid.

Actually, I abandoned myself.

By not fully choosing me every day for four years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about myself, I deserted me.

Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left myself alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of lack.

I’ll never not choose myself again.

It’s torture for everyone.

I invite you to ask yourself this question:
“Why am I choosing myself today?”

If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”

If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.
But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing yourself, let go.

Create the opening for wisdom to show up and see yourself with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose you every day.

You deserve to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.

Choose wisely

This week, Deb and Bec chose to do something different with their blog.
Some years ago, a piece of writing ~ "Choose her Everyday" by Brian Reeves had a huge impact on both of them in their relationships.
This week, we wanted to share that piece of writing. We have also written our own version "Choose Me Everyday" which talks to the relationship we have with ourselves.
Both blogs are below ~ we hope you enjoy them both.

Choose Her Everyday

Choose Me Everyday

I spent 4 years hurting myself by not fully choosing myself.

I did want to be me. I really wanted to choose me and be honest with myself.

I was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. I could make myself laugh. Waking up every morning snuggled up was my happy place.
I used to love myself wildly.

Unfortunately, as happens with, my ignorance of how to do self-love well created stressful challenges in my relationship with me.

Before long, once my young blissful ignorance of life gave way to the misunderstanding of everyday life, I would often wonder if there was a person out there who would make life easier, and who could love me better.

As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose myself less and less.

Every day, for four years, I chose myself a little less.

I just stopped choosing myself. I suffered.

Choosing me would have meant focusing every day on the gifts I was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: my laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about me.

I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of my personality that grated on me. The more I focused on the worst of me, the more I saw of it, and the more I projected that out into the world.

Naturally, this only magnified the strain on my life … which still made me choose myself even less.

Thus did the nasty death spiral play itself out over four years.

I fought hard with myself, to make me choose. That’s a fool’s task.

I realise now, however, that I was often angry because I didn’t feel safe with me.

I felt me not choosing myself every day, in my words and my actions, and I was afraid.

Actually, I abandoned myself.

By not fully choosing me every day for four years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about myself, I deserted me.

Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left myself alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of lack.

I’ll never not choose myself again.

It’s torture for everyone.

I invite you to ask yourself this question:
“Why am I choosing myself today?”

If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”

If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.
But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing yourself, let go.

Create the opening for wisdom to show up and see yourself with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose you every day.

You deserve to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.

Choose wisely

TITLE 

TITLE 

Blog here ... 

This week, Deb and Bec chose to do something different with their blog.
Some years ago, a piece of writing ~ "Choose her Everyday" by Brian Reeves had a huge impact on both of them in their relationships.
This week, we wanted to share that piece of writing. We have also written our own version "Choose Me Everyday" which talks to the relationship we have with ourselves.
Both blogs are below ~ we hope you enjoy them both.

Choose Her Everyday

Choose Me Everyday

I spent 4 years hurting myself by not fully choosing myself.

I did want to be me. I really wanted to choose me and be honest with myself.

I was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. I could make myself laugh. Waking up every morning snuggled up was my happy place.
I used to love myself wildly.

Unfortunately, as happens with, my ignorance of how to do self-love well created stressful challenges in my relationship with me.

Before long, once my young blissful ignorance of life gave way to the misunderstanding of everyday life, I would often wonder if there was a person out there who would make life easier, and who could love me better.

As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose myself less and less.

Every day, for four years, I chose myself a little less.

I just stopped choosing myself. I suffered.

Choosing me would have meant focusing every day on the gifts I was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: my laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about me.

I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of my personality that grated on me. The more I focused on the worst of me, the more I saw of it, and the more I projected that out into the world.

Naturally, this only magnified the strain on my life … which still made me choose myself even less.

Thus did the nasty death spiral play itself out over four years.

I fought hard with myself, to make me choose. That’s a fool’s task.

I realise now, however, that I was often angry because I didn’t feel safe with me.

I felt me not choosing myself every day, in my words and my actions, and I was afraid.

Actually, I abandoned myself.

By not fully choosing me every day for four years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about myself, I deserted me.

Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left myself alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of lack.

I’ll never not choose myself again.

It’s torture for everyone.

I invite you to ask yourself this question:
“Why am I choosing myself today?”

If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”

If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.
But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing yourself, let go.

Create the opening for wisdom to show up and see yourself with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose you every day.

You deserve to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.

Choose wisely

This week, Deb and Bec chose to do something different with their blog.
Some years ago, a piece of writing ~ "Choose her Everyday" by Brian Reeves had a huge impact on both of them in their relationships.
This week, we wanted to share that piece of writing. We have also written our own version "Choose Me Everyday" which talks to the relationship we have with ourselves.
Both blogs are below ~ we hope you enjoy them both.

Choose Her Everyday

Choose Me Everyday

I spent 4 years hurting myself by not fully choosing myself.

I did want to be me. I really wanted to choose me and be honest with myself.

I was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. I could make myself laugh. Waking up every morning snuggled up was my happy place.
I used to love myself wildly.

Unfortunately, as happens with, my ignorance of how to do self-love well created stressful challenges in my relationship with me.

Before long, once my young blissful ignorance of life gave way to the misunderstanding of everyday life, I would often wonder if there was a person out there who would make life easier, and who could love me better.

As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose myself less and less.

Every day, for four years, I chose myself a little less.

I just stopped choosing myself. I suffered.

Choosing me would have meant focusing every day on the gifts I was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: my laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about me.

I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of my personality that grated on me. The more I focused on the worst of me, the more I saw of it, and the more I projected that out into the world.

Naturally, this only magnified the strain on my life … which still made me choose myself even less.

Thus did the nasty death spiral play itself out over four years.

I fought hard with myself, to make me choose. That’s a fool’s task.

I realise now, however, that I was often angry because I didn’t feel safe with me.

I felt me not choosing myself every day, in my words and my actions, and I was afraid.

Actually, I abandoned myself.

By not fully choosing me every day for four years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about myself, I deserted me.

Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left myself alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of lack.

I’ll never not choose myself again.

It’s torture for everyone.

I invite you to ask yourself this question:
“Why am I choosing myself today?”

If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”

If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.
But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing yourself, let go.

Create the opening for wisdom to show up and see yourself with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose you every day.

You deserve to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.

Choose wisely

This week, Deb and Bec chose to do something different with their blog.
Some years ago, a piece of writing ~ "Choose her Everyday" by Brian Reeves had a huge impact on both of them in their relationships.
This week, we wanted to share that piece of writing. We have also written our own version "Choose Me Everyday" which talks to the relationship we have with ourselves.
Both blogs are below ~ we hope you enjoy them both.

Choose Her Everyday

Choose Me Everyday

I spent 4 years hurting myself by not fully choosing myself.

I did want to be me. I really wanted to choose me and be honest with myself.

I was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. I could make myself laugh. Waking up every morning snuggled up was my happy place.
I used to love myself wildly.

Unfortunately, as happens with, my ignorance of how to do self-love well created stressful challenges in my relationship with me.

Before long, once my young blissful ignorance of life gave way to the misunderstanding of everyday life, I would often wonder if there was a person out there who would make life easier, and who could love me better.

As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose myself less and less.

Every day, for four years, I chose myself a little less.

I just stopped choosing myself. I suffered.

Choosing me would have meant focusing every day on the gifts I was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: my laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about me.

I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of my personality that grated on me. The more I focused on the worst of me, the more I saw of it, and the more I projected that out into the world.

Naturally, this only magnified the strain on my life … which still made me choose myself even less.

Thus did the nasty death spiral play itself out over four years.

I fought hard with myself, to make me choose. That’s a fool’s task.

I realise now, however, that I was often angry because I didn’t feel safe with me.

I felt me not choosing myself every day, in my words and my actions, and I was afraid.

Actually, I abandoned myself.

By not fully choosing me every day for four years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about myself, I deserted me.

Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left myself alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of lack.

I’ll never not choose myself again.

It’s torture for everyone.

I invite you to ask yourself this question:
“Why am I choosing myself today?”

If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”

If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.
But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing yourself, let go.

Create the opening for wisdom to show up and see yourself with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose you every day.

You deserve to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.

Choose wisely

This week, Deb and Bec chose to do something different with their blog.
Some years ago, a piece of writing ~ "Choose her Everyday" by Brian Reeves had a huge impact on both of them in their relationships.
This week, we wanted to share that piece of writing. We have also written our own version "Choose Me Everyday" which talks to the relationship we have with ourselves.
Both blogs are below ~ we hope you enjoy them both.

Choose Her Everyday

Choose Me Everyday

I spent 4 years hurting myself by not fully choosing myself.

I did want to be me. I really wanted to choose me and be honest with myself.

I was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. I could make myself laugh. Waking up every morning snuggled up was my happy place.
I used to love myself wildly.

Unfortunately, as happens with, my ignorance of how to do self-love well created stressful challenges in my relationship with me.

Before long, once my young blissful ignorance of life gave way to the misunderstanding of everyday life, I would often wonder if there was a person out there who would make life easier, and who could love me better.

As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose myself less and less.

Every day, for four years, I chose myself a little less.

I just stopped choosing myself. I suffered.

Choosing me would have meant focusing every day on the gifts I was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: my laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about me.

I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of my personality that grated on me. The more I focused on the worst of me, the more I saw of it, and the more I projected that out into the world.

Naturally, this only magnified the strain on my life … which still made me choose myself even less.

Thus did the nasty death spiral play itself out over four years.

I fought hard with myself, to make me choose. That’s a fool’s task.

I realise now, however, that I was often angry because I didn’t feel safe with me.

I felt me not choosing myself every day, in my words and my actions, and I was afraid.

Actually, I abandoned myself.

By not fully choosing me every day for four years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about myself, I deserted me.

Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left myself alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of lack.

I’ll never not choose myself again.

It’s torture for everyone.

I invite you to ask yourself this question:
“Why am I choosing myself today?”

If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”

If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.
But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing yourself, let go.

Create the opening for wisdom to show up and see yourself with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose you every day.

You deserve to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.

Choose wisely

Blog, By Bec

A few days ago, I was reflecting on how I have set up my life on purpose to be an immense amount of fun.
 

I was messaging a friend during ‘work’ hours and it occurred to me that I no longer ‘work’ I just live.
 

Sometimes living is a mentoring call with a client who is struggling
Sometimes living is a walk on the coastal path
Sometimes living is driving on the motorway to visit my partner
Sometimes living is a 2 hour masterclass with a group of amazing people
Sometimes living is messaging back and forward with my friend
Sometimes living is marketing and networking on social media
Sometimes living is playing with my niece
 

You get the picture.

I don’t ‘work’ anymore, I just live.
 

I am sometimes unsure whether I have cleansed the things from my life that I am not so keen on doing or whether, by seeking to love my life, I have fallen in love with all of the things I used to resist.
 

But I am sure that it doesn’t matter which way it happened.
 

After I had written the first part of this blog, I stopped. I didn’t know what else to say.

This morning, I was sitting at my desk waiting for my computer to wake up and I had a moment of “I have a couple things on my To Do list today that I don’t really want to do”

This blog came into my mind (it wasn’t one of the things!) and I heard my inner voice ask
“Do you really not want to do them? Is there a way these too can be things you love in your life?”
 

I don’t recall whether I even answered myself. I regularly have internal conversations like this and drift off while my human and spiritual nature tussle it out 😊
 

An hour or so later, I was due to do one of the tasks I wasn’t too sure I wanted to do, and noticed I was looking forward to it. I was smiling and ready to go.
 

As I write this, I haven’t got to the other task yet. I am interested to see how I feel when I get there.
 

What I do already know though is that by asking myself the question “Is there a way this can be something I love in my life?” my mind opens up to possibilities.
 

It doesn’t guarantee I am going to love the task ahead of me.
I may even decide that it is a task I no longer want to do.
 

But what is has guaranteed me is a more peaceful mind. Instead of the mind I can remember living in some years ago, that was full of “I hate my job”, “I don’t want to do that”, “Even the smallest task fills me with dread”, now my mind is quieter. It is more accepting of the few places I might be less keen on what I am doing.
 

I love this. I love living.

How is your work life balance?

Blog, By Bec

A few days ago, I was reflecting on how I have set up my life on purpose to be an immense amount of fun.
 

I was messaging a friend during ‘work’ hours and it occurred to me that I no longer ‘work’ I just live.
 

Sometimes living is a mentoring call with a client who is struggling
Sometimes living is a walk on the coastal path
Sometimes living is driving on the motorway to visit my partner
Sometimes living is a 2 hour masterclass with a group of amazing people
Sometimes living is messaging back and forward with my friend
Sometimes living is marketing and networking on social media
Sometimes living is playing with my niece
 

You get the picture.

I don’t ‘work’ anymore, I just live.
 

I am sometimes unsure whether I have cleansed the things from my life that I am not so keen on doing or whether, by seeking to love my life, I have fallen in love with all of the things I used to resist.
 

But I am sure that it doesn’t matter which way it happened.
 

After I had written the first part of this blog, I stopped. I didn’t know what else to say.

This morning, I was sitting at my desk waiting for my computer to wake up and I had a moment of “I have a couple things on my To Do list today that I don’t really want to do”

This blog came into my mind (it wasn’t one of the things!) and I heard my inner voice ask
“Do you really not want to do them? Is there a way these too can be things you love in your life?”
 

I don’t recall whether I even answered myself. I regularly have internal conversations like this and drift off while my human and spiritual nature tussle it out 😊
 

An hour or so later, I was due to do one of the tasks I wasn’t too sure I wanted to do, and noticed I was looking forward to it. I was smiling and ready to go.
 

As I write this, I haven’t got to the other task yet. I am interested to see how I feel when I get there.
 

What I do already know though is that by asking myself the question “Is there a way this can be something I love in my life?” my mind opens up to possibilities.
 

It doesn’t guarantee I am going to love the task ahead of me.
I may even decide that it is a task I no longer want to do.
 

But what is has guaranteed me is a more peaceful mind. Instead of the mind I can remember living in some years ago, that was full of “I hate my job”, “I don’t want to do that”, “Even the smallest task fills me with dread”, now my mind is quieter. It is more accepting of the few places I might be less keen on what I am doing.
 

I love this. I love living.

How is your work life balance?